Living Ancestry

I just helped my daughter get her PJs on when I turned back to my BBQ pork sandwich. I looked at a list I'd written of who to write on Sundays. I LOVE to make lists. I spotted my grandmother's name and I began thinking about my ancestry. My living ancestry. I'm somewhere in the middle. I still have one biological grandparent alive having lost my maternal grandmother in 1980, my paternal grandfather in 1997, and my maternal grandfather just a few years ago. Both my parents are living, all my sisters, and we've not lost any of our children (fingers crossed). So I'm both a parent and a child, but I started thinking about the amount of time I make for my family.

My grandmother is still alive, but how do I live with her? The last time I saw her was in March and we were celebrating her 80th birthday. I've thought and thought that I need to drive over and take her to lunch or just hang out with her, but I never seem to find the time. (Or perhaps better stated, I don't make the time.) I am so busy with my own tiny portion of my larger family that my grandmother, mother, sisters, nieces and nephews get pushed into a corner to gather dust and cobwebs like the chair I "inherited" from my long-passed grandmother.

I rarely see my cousins. Facebook seems to have become the chosen method of communication for more distant relatives. Of course, when you're spread all over, it works out pretty well. But I have a cousin, who just graduated from her program of study and lives not too far away, that I haven't seen since she took my wedding photos over two years ago. Her sister, who lives 60+ miles away, I see on an annual basis to exchange Girl Scout cookies. Their sister lives in Utah and I don't see much of her at all. Could I though?

Do we take for granted our extended families? Is there a way to spend some time with them once a month, a quarter, a year even, to reconnect and see where everyone is and how they're doing without the use of a computer screen? And to that end, do I take my (not-so) tiny portion of my bigger family for granted too? Will my husband come home tomorrow? Will I get to watch another of my daughters' soccer games? Will I get to have another lunch with my mother?

I don't know what tomorrow will bring so the answer to those questions could, very well, be "no". And wouldn't it be a tragedy to pass through the veil and find that I'd squandered my time here and now.

As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I am taught that the family is central to Heavenly Father's plan of happiness. It is NEVER taught that it is just my spouse and my children, but my family. My ENTIRE family. And since I just completed my maternal grandmother's temple work yesterday (with thanks to the lovely temple workers at the Portland Oregon Temple), I think it's high time I (we) recognize not only who I am (we are) and what I've (we've) contributed to my (our) family, but to be grateful for where I (we) came from as well. We are the posterity of those who have gone before us. Let's leave this world better than the way it was when we came into it. Honor thy father and thy mother, and aunt, and uncle, and cousin, and grandmother, and grandfather and so on.

What If?

So Oleesia and I were talking about church and all that Wednesday afternoon. I showed her a poem her dad posted on his Facebook page and we decided to talk about it. It's titled "What If?" by Ganga White. It's lovely and simple and thought provoking. I'll share it with you and share some of things Oleesia and I talked about as we read the poem together. Here goes:

What If?

What if our religion was each other?

If our practice was our life?

If prayer was our words?

What if the Temple was the Earth?

If forests were our church?

If holy water - the rivers, lakes and oceans?

What if meditation was our relationships?

If the Teacher was life?

If wisdom was self-knowledge?

If love was the center of our being

Thank you to the author. This is beautiful and it is accurate. Because what you question is reality.

Our religion is each other. As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I know this. Our purpose on this earth is to care for one another, to serve, to love, to care for one another. In essence, our religion is each other.

Our practice is our life. Heavenly Father gave us this mortal life as a test, a practice for the eternities. We get to practice, make mistakes, fix them and start over to do better. It's on going and ever evolving to make us the best we can be.

Prayer is our words. With every word we speak, we can hurt or help. We speak to one another and can speak the words of Truth, what God would have us speak or we can speak lies and wound. They are our prayers. God is listening to us ALL. THE. TIME. So choose your words carefully. Are they meant to hurt or heal?

The Temple is the Earth. This is the world Heavenly Father has built for us. It is a temple, just as our homes are temples. Our bodies are temples. Then there are the buildings we call temples. Any place that allows God and the Spirit to be welcome and reside is a temple.

Forests are our church. We can pray to God, worship Him where ever. In a forest, on a lake, in the middle of the ocean. As long as we look to God, we make a church where we are. Forests included.

Water is holy. The springs, streams, creeks, rivers, ponds, lakes, seas, oceans. They are the water of Life. Jesus Christ was baptized in a river. Water is essential to our salvation.

Meditation is our relationships, if you're caring correctly. To meditate is the act of thinking deeply and focusing one's mind for a period of time. If your relationships are handled as meditation, your focus is solely on them, building them up and thinking deeply on them as much as possible to make them important.

The Teacher is Life. Read the Holy Bible, it's in there. Jesus Christ is the Teacher and through Him is Life Eternal. Pure and simple.

Wisdom is self-knowledge. As we learn and grow wise, we gain self-knowledge and what we are meant to do in this life. We grow closer to Heavenly Father and gain knowledge about what His plan is for us in the life.

Love is the center of our being. If we follow the commandments, then we love one another as we've been commanded. We find love in all things, hope in all things.

This poem couldn't be more true.

A Modest View

So I've been sitting on this topic for quite some time. It's been rolling around in my head like a loose marble.

Yup, I said it! There's a marble loose in my head. It's not lost though so no worries.

Anyway, I've heard many a high school and college girl say, "Modest is hottest!" with pride. And perhaps they should, but isn't that something of an oxymoron? I happen to believe so.

When my, now 11-year-old daughter, was in Kindergarten, a boy in her class told her she was "hot". I explained that he thought she was cute, but it made her feel really uncomfortable. After all, she was only five at the time. Boys were weirdos (She's still right on that point!) and being told she was "hot", or even cute for that matter, by a member of the opposite sex who wasn't related to her, was just strange. After she came home the second time telling me this little guy told her she was "hot". I emailed her teacher, who intervened and explained to the youngster that it was inappropriate language for Kindergarten and it made people feel uncomfortable. It stopped.

Now, we're talking about five-year-olds here, but even now and I'm (gasp!) almost 40 and I don't want some guy to tell me I'm "hot". If it's my husband, then go ahead, but generally that's not the case. While I appreciate this person may be just trying to compliment me, there are other, not-so-crude, ways to do it. Words like: "You look nice." and "I think you're beautiful." work just as nicely and don't make me think you're trying to bed me. So when I hear "Modest is hottest", I think, "Really? Is that true?"

It's true that to be modest is a GREAT thing. I teach my girls modesty. Heck, even Muhammad Ali taught his girls modesty when they were wearing more revealing clothing. A bit his daughter Hana shared in a More Than A Hero: Muhammad Ali’s Life Lessons Through His Daughter’s Eyes about modesty: 

“When we arrived, the chauffer escorted my youngest sister, Laila, and me to my father’s suite. As usual, he was hiding behind the door waiting to scare us. And we exchanged as many hugs and kisses as we could possibly give in one day.

“My father then took a good look at us. He sat me down in his lap and said something I will never forget. He looked me straight in the eyes and said: ‘Hana, everything that God made valuable in the world is covered and hard to get to. Where do you find diamonds? Deep down in the ground, covered and protected. Where do you find pearls? Deep down at the bottom of the ocean, covered up and protected in a beautiful shell. Where do you find gold? Way down and in the mine, covered over with layers and layers of rock. You’ve got to work hard to get them.’

“He looked at me again with serious eyes and said, ‘Your body is sacred. You’re far more precious than diamonds and pearls, and you should be covered too.'”

While I agree with what Mr. Ali is explaining to his daughters, I think there's more to modesty than just our exterior appearance.

In the "For the Strength of Youth" pamphlet from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, there are multiple topics that could cover modesty. Topics such as the obvious Dress and Appearance, but what about these others? Dating, Entertainment and Media, Friends, Sexual Purity, Language, and Physical and Emotional Health.

Modesty comes down to thoughts, actions, demeanor, body language, tone of voice, and, of course, dress.

Do we want our children listening to songs like "99 Problems" and "Blurred Lines"? Um, no.

Do we want our children to have some romanticized notion that relationships like the movie "Friends with Benefits" work out? I don't because it doesn't.

I would encourage us all to help our children to keep their minds innocent and pure by thinking about good things: school, sports, friendships, family; and not what a member of the opposite sex may look like with their clothes off or what it would be like to kiss him/her.

I try to teach my girls the reason we dress more conservatively is because when they get older, they want a person to like them for how nice, smart, athletic, funny they are, how good of a friend they are, how well they treat other people. Not because they're cute or "hot". I want all the amazing qualities I see in my daughters to be the reason some boy wants to take her on a date and not just her good looks.

I encourage my girls to be friends with girls and boys alike. One of my big girl's best friends is a boy and they love the same book series, so much so they dressed up like characters from the books for last Halloween and they had a GREAT time!

Today, men and women, boys and girls, are being bombarded with social media, movies, TV shows, music and books that blast the notions of chastity and modesty are antiquated, but I think the conservative side is just that... Conserving my children's hearts, minds, bodies, and souls for the best future they could possibly have.

And let us not forget modesty has two meanings... Not only is it about being conservative in our dress so that we're not indecent, but it also means we should be moderate or unassuming as well, such as not dressing in showy, expensive clothing. Be modest in our dress doesn't just mean cover up, but it means to not be flashy too.

Ultimately, the focus here is on looking at people for what they have on the inside because that's what counts in the end. It's not the label they have on their clothes or the length of the hemline. It's how you treat people. After all, He commanded us to love one another.

One final thought...

I go to church and I dress conservatively. Most of the people in my ward do. However, on the occasion a new face appears and they don't "blend" in because they're in jeans, pants for a woman, or something tight and skin-baring. Let's not judge. Maybe that person is just getting started on their journey and they need a friend and that friend is you. Perhaps that person doesn't have the ability to revamp their wardrobe in such a way to be conservatively dressed. Let's just follow the commandment I mentioned above by smiling at them, introducing yourself, and showing them around. Love them. You may be just what they needed.

Viewing Sacrifice

I haven't written since Mothers' Day, but I've had thoughts swirling and churning in my brain since then. I know my dad thinks I start these things and just drop them off the face of the earth. I promise I don't stop writing. They starts and stops just hang out in my head like fetuses. The thoughts aren't fully formed and aren't ready for the big, bad world. But today is different.

Today is Fast Sunday for July. To my husband that means he gets to watch NASCAR, but to me, a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, it means I should be skipping two meals and giving a fast offering. I did the latter today, but not the former. Oops! Fast Sunday also means testimonies will be borne after the sacrament has been passed. A couple of people said some things that really touched me, but I don't remember what they are. Terrible, right? I should write this stuff down then I can actually USE it later. Either way, what they had to say got me to thinking about the last couple months and my failure to write this blog, read my scriptures, or even pray most days. (I'm really NOT the best example!)

So looking back over the last couple months some things have weighed really heavily on me. #1 This whole Ordain Women & Kate Kelly thing and #2 The last two major holidays, Memorial Day and Independence Day. We're going to talk about the latter, because there have already been SO MANY blogs and opinions for and against the former that my head and heart hurt, actually physically hurt, from it, but on to these holidays.

Memorial Day is a day set aside by the United States of America's federal government to honor the memories of all those men and women that died while in service to the armed forces. Independence Day is another day set aside by the same federal government to commemorate the adoption of the Declaration of Independence, which was our countries way of declaring/demanding freedom from the Kingdom of Great Britain. A war ensued. We all know about the Revolutionary War, right? These two recent holidays got me to thinking about my own military service. They aren't for me yet people still honor veterans on those days. Why?

I began to reflect on my service in the United States Army. I was a military police officer for 5 years on active service. I was a military police officer for the Oregon Army National Guard for about 2 years then I became a quartermaster for the remaining 2 years or so. All-in-all I served nearly 10 years, but got out when I was pregnant with my eldest daughter. I had to desire to repeat the performance of my deployment to Bosnia-Herzegovina with a new "War on Terror" coming down the pipe. Basically, I chickened out. Mind you I had a child while serving on active service too, but I wanted my life to continue and I'm glad I made that choice. But that's not my problem. What did I contribute? What was my sacrifice?

I'm not like the hundreds and thousands of men and women that went to battle and never came home. I don't have a white cross in a national cemetery somewhere in the U.S. or over in Europe or elsewhere in the world. (There are 24 American burial grounds on foreign soil.) I didn't sacrifice. I didn't die.

Well, all this got me to thinking about soldiers, sailors, marines, airmen, and all those men and women who have passed on paying the ultimate sacrifice. Let me remind you, most of them were volunteers doing a job they knew could end by them losing their own life and they did it anyway. They were fighting for our freedom. Our freedom to live and breathe and worship in any way we feel appropriate that doesn't infringe on our fellow man. Back in 1776 that wasn't the case in a lot of places. Brave people stood up to tyranny and fought the good fight and sacrificed to give us those freedoms.

I know one person who isn't listed on any of the memorials, isn't buried in any cemetery, but did the EXACT SAME THING only better...

Jesus Christ.

Think about it. He fought tyranny. Tyranny from Satan. Satan would have us do his bidding, honor him, but he lost the fight. Christ fought for our freedoms too. Our freedom to choose. We have the choice to believe in Him, in Heavenly Father and we have the choice to not believe. He paid the ultimate sacrifice. He died for us. EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US. He died so we could be saved both from physical death, but spiritual death too.

Jesus Christ's sacrifice is the ULTIMATE sacrifice. What more could one ask of a person? And let me remind you, lest you'd forgotten. He VOLUNTEERED. Yup. Stepped up and knew exactly what he was getting into and did it anyway. He left in Heavenly Father's hands and kicked booty!

Christ is our perfect example of what to do, how to live, how to behave, how to act, how to treat one another. He is the answer. If you don't think He knows your pleasure, your pain, your joy, your suffering. Think again. He knows. Even better, lean on Him and He'll carry you through the trials and be there to celebrate your triumphs. ALWAYS.

What could be better?

Now not to diminish those brave men and women we honor on Memorial Day and Independence Day. Thank you so much for your sacrifice. I know you're here watching over your loved ones and trying with all your might to steer them in the right direction. You'll be together again some day.

Everyone, let's take care of each other by honoring those who sacrificed for us. Honor Heavenly Father as Christ would have done and in doing so, you honor those that have passed in the fight for our continued freedoms.

In Jesus' name.

Amen.

Calling All Moms

So yesterday was Mother's Day, and all over the United States, maybe in other countries too, people celebrated their mothers. I didn't get to see my mom except in a couple photos I posted on Facebook. My mom was out of town racing outrigger canoes somewhere in the Puget Sound. Yup! My mom is pretty amazing and active. Who said retired means you're bored? Right mom?

Anyway, I've added a photo. It's my favorite photo of me and my mom. I think I was about 3 or 4 years old. You can see one of my younger sisters is with us. My other two sisters weren't yet twinkling in my parents' eyes. I don't know why I was in bed with my mom, but it certainly looks like I had had a bad dream and needed my mom. I still have bad dreams and there are times when I still need my mom. I'm fortunate I still have her around. My mom lost her mom when she was only 24. I didn't get to know my grandma very well, but I have her chair. (That's another story.)

My mom looks like an angel in this picture. She looks like there's nothing else in the world she'd rather be doing than have her girls in bed with her and hugging one who just had a bad dream. I didn't start writing today to talk about how amazing my mom is and I think she's pretty amazing. I started writing because moms are pretty amazing. All moms.

I'm sure you've heard the saying "Any man can be a father, but it takes a real man to be a dad." Well something similar can be said for women. It's just biology that makes one a mother, but it's the actions once pregnancy occurs that determines a mom or not.

I've experienced all kinds of moms. I have a friend who's a single mom. I was a single mom for a while. I have a friend who's a mother of SEVEN! And she loves EVERY one of her babies. She LOVES being a mom. I have friends with one kid, two kids and more, step-kids, and all kinds of crazy blended families. In fact, I'm part of a crazy blended family. And all these moms are amazing women. They're stretched to the limits of their patience. They're stretched to the limits of sleep deprivation. They're stretched to the limits period.

Yes, I'm a mom and I'm writing this, but I, by no means, think I'm an amazing mom. I have three children from two former husbands, plus two step-sons from a third husband. I even have a former step-son whom I love very much, but I'm not amazing. I yell too much. I lose my patience. I don't read to my girls at night like I should. I hate to cook so dinner is a struggle almost every night and I don't even have children home every night since I share custody of my girls; my son has graduated and moved out; and my step-sons all live with their mothers.

So why am I writing this? I'm writing this to tell you moms have so much power. Don't get me wrong, we feel powerless pretty often, but it's just frustration, aggravation and sleep deprivation. But we have so much power. We're the first person our children ever hear. They hear us from the inside out. They know our heartbeat. They know our breath sounds. (Even when there's a little knee or foot in the ribcage.) We're the first person they smell. The first person they bond with. We moms become their everything, their cheerleader, their teacher, their support.

The foundation of everything a child has the opportunity to know comes first from their mom. Take a look at Robert Fulghum's "All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten". Think of all the things he talks about from "Share everything." to "- the biggest word of all - LOOK." Moms teach those things. Read it. It's all in there. The funniest thing is as we grow up and go out into the world we seem to stop listening to our moms. And why is that? Mostly, we think we know better from about 12 or 13 years old until we've wizened up around 30. That's a lot of years to think you know better.

There are those strange anomalies of children out there that really think their mom is awesome and they love her, honor her, and for Heaven's sake, LISTEN to her well into their 20s. Those anomalies seem to have things figured out. I have names of a couple... Lanie and Tiernan. Great job ladies! Your moms love you and know what she's talking about. And I promise it's always meant with love.

I actually told my son on Saturday that everything I ever did for him was out of love and wanting the absolute best for him. I'm proud of him. He's still growing up, but he's doing pretty well. It's not all my doing, but I'd like to think I have a lot to do with it. He won't admit it for another 10 years or so, but I know it's in there somewhere.

Being a mom is a sacred calling. It is. We chose it before we came to earth. Not all moms are biological moms. In fact, one of the sweetest people I know wasn't able to have children, but she's an amazing mom to two very sweet little boys. They are so lucky to have her. But it is a sacred calling. Moms have been entrusted with the hearts and spirits of Heavenly Father's children as they start out on this journey and it is, literally, our God given responsibility to be the first and best example of charity, love, faith, patience, kindness, humility, sacrifice, service, good, truth, righteousness, honesty, fairness, and compassion. See 1 Corinthians 13 for any questions. You can find similar thoughts written in The Book of Mormon, Moroni 7:44-47.

He never said it would be easy. He only said it would be worth it.

Moms, all you moms out there, is it worth it?

I know it is.

Bar Review

Ok so let's just be honest... Sure why not!

I met my husband in a bar. And yes I'm LDS. Or Mormon as some people would call it.

So why would a nice LDS girl such as myself be in a bar? Well, I was up to no good and I wasn't exactly an active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. And I wasn't too proud of myself, and looking back, I'm still none too proud of my behavior back then, but I wouldn't be the strong person I am today without having gone through it.

There are a whole lot of "What Not To Dos" in that situation, but let's count the good things instead. Isn't it always nicer to count the good things in life? I think so.

So good things...

I found my forever companion. He may not be a member of the LDS church, but he is my forever companion. We'll be sealed one day.

My girls have a second father figure in their life.

My son has someone he can call about cars and other manly stuff and knows he can depend on the answers he receives to be straight-forward, honest, to-the-point, and informed.

I gained two great sons.

I also gained some perspective about myself and how I had been going about looking for Mr. Right. Needless to say, I learned a whole lot of "what not to do", but in the end I was able to determine what I'd done right.

First and foremost, I was myself. There were no pretenses. I was really in a "take it or leave it" mode. If he liked me, GREAT! If he didn't, well I didn't need him. I guess I was just ready to be me, not play games, and get to know a person.

Next, I was confident. I wasn't afraid to share about myself. I can't tell you how many photos of my kids I shared with him that night. I don't think I stopped talking about them most of the evening either. He knew what was most important to me.

Now I know you're asking me where are your kids while you're out at a bar meeting this guy who is now your husband?

So my eldest, my son, was in Colorado visiting his father. My girls were on their dad's days, or his half of the week, so I was free to do whatever I wanted without having to worry about the morning "walk of shame" or paying a babysitter until 8:00am when I returned home. All I needed to worry about was me, myself, and I.

Ok so the three of us, me, myself and I, were a very persuasive bunch. We, or I, managed to keep my husband away from a blind date his co-worker had set up. Remember, he wasn't my husband then, just some guy I'd just met. Apparently I was sufficiently charming and, just barely, a good enough dancer to make him want to stay around. He called his buddy and informed him that the date girl would be left hanging. Ah such is the life of 20-somethings I suppose. I don't know. I didn't really date when I was in my 20s. Sad but true.

And that's something I learned too. DATE!! Go on LOTS OF DATES! Meet lots of people. Learn what you like and don't like about people. It's OK to date many different people. It sure beats getting married and divorced three times, leaving yourself with three children and two baby-daddies. Instead, dating allows you the opportunity to get to know people slowly and make sure they're worth it when you decide to marry them. You're more likely to end up being married ONCE (it's important) and raising children TOGETHER in a single, non-dysfunctional family setting when you get to know someone first and take your time with dating.

I tell my girls they need to date a lot of boys when they get to be 16-years-old. YES 16! No boys allowed until then. Otherwise they have cooties. (Sorry boys, but it's for everyone's own good. I promise.)

Anyway, this bar gave me an opportunity to date an amazing man, who is honest and sweet and forgetful. He's a hard-worker (sometimes to a fault). He's handy to have around the house. He loves baseball and NASCAR. He roots whole-heartedly for the Trailblazers, Mariners, Seahawks, and Tony Stewart. He bemoans the Steelers, wishing they were better, but he loves them for better or for worse and has for the last 35 years.

This man is now, after 11 months of dating and 4 years and 9 months of living together, my husband. We have been together for over 7 years and this summer we will celebrate two years of marriage. We're in it for better, for worse, in sickness, in health, for richer, for poorer, through floods and remodels, college and graduating children, lacrosse and soccer games, dirty dishes and messy garages. We're in it for the long haul.

This nice LDS girl met the guy of her dreams in a bar one cold December night. The Lord truly works in mysterious ways. My husband and I have grown a lot together and as individuals, laughed more, and love every minute of our crazy life with our crazy kids.

It just goes to show you that each one of our journeys is different and we can always find a good path to travel, if you're willing to look for it, listen with all your might to the Spirit and follow those instructions. My path led me to Craig, led me back to the Gospel and is continuing to lead me in a positive direction.

Now my bar is made of iron and I hold on with all my might.

Please Review Your Blessings

So I'm pushing a month since my last blog post, but I think I may have a good excuse. (And Dad, your words of starting and stopping ring in my head ALL. THE. TIME. So I decided I need to continue this blog.

So here's what been keeping me from typing:

• 3.0 GPA last term (BOO!)
• Had to pay out-of-pocket to continue school Spring Term (BOO!)
• Financial aid for next year declined (for now)
• Kitchen flooded (Tears!)
• Failed to complete volunteer calendar (Oops!)

If I were a baseball batter, I would have struck out already. Fortunately, Heavenly Father doesn't operate on the balls & strikes system. And THANK GOODNESS for that!

I was unhappy with my final GPA, but grateful I didn't fail a class when I know I was struggling with one. We had the money to cover the cost of classes for Spring Term. There's a way to get my financial aid reinstated because it just requires an explanation. And I was ok with all that until the kitchen flooded. That sent me over the edge. I cleaned out the coolers, emptied the freezer and left the house in tears. I made it (late) to my semi-annual hair appointment, (Thank you JET!) and cried some more. Then I set up my medical insurance and came home to my kitchen being packed up and demolished to dry out the sub floor. While in the midst of dealing with the kitchen, I failed to complete the volunteer calendar for Oleesia's class. (Sorry Bridget!) Can you blame me though?

So I began Spring Term with my kitchen, office, and dining room all torn up and each time I had to deal with the clean-up business, I sang "Count Your Blessings" in my head. Over and over and over again. It helped me deal with the tears so I didn't keep crying.

And since I've written this post in two sittings, a few things have been worked out and a few new developments have occurred.

Well I can't recover a 3.0GPA, but I was refunded the out-of-pocket money because there was some weird glitch in my financial aid for Spring Term. PHEW!! All the money has been returned to its rightful place.

After a couple hitches, we received the insurance check to cover the repairs of my kitchen and garage. I'm hiding the money so we don't spend it all, because we would do just that if given the change. The budget really needs to tighten up! AND FAST!

I had a sit down with my academic counselor and I'm going to have to write a really good letter to the financial aid department to explain why I need to continue my financial aid so I can complete my degree. We have a plan of action. Now I just need to implement it and pray for things to go my way.

The kitchen is in the process of being repaired. My mom, Liz, has repaired the kitchen and dining room walls and laid the concrete board so we (and by we, I mean Craig) can tile. We decided that while the kitchen is completely gutted that now is the time to refinish the cabinets. While the process shouldn't take super long, it's taking longer than we would like because Craig is still working 50+ hours a week and is working on the house in the evenings. He has sprayed the primer and is now putting on the first coat of paint. Hopefully, we'll be able to put a few things back in the kitchen this weekend (Fingers crossed!)

Lastly, I have to complete the class volunteer schedule. I've been so worried and busy being a mom with no kitchen, a student with a ton of homework, the Relief Society secretary and a wife that the parent volunteer part fell off the plate. Fortunately, my teacher is AWESOME! I've explained and I'm told not to worry, BUT I'm going to complete that schedule by Friday so I can feel accomplished somewhere.

OK so really things have been A LOT hectic around here and as I mentioned earlier, I sang "Count Your Blessings" in my head to keep me from crying. My patriarchal blessing mentions patience a time or two or 15 so I think this is definitely a test and, I'll be honest, I'm glad for it. Tests = growth. I believe my bishop said that last night during our chapel session. I don't mind the load and it's given me a chance to really think about my blessings. So "Count your blessings; Name them one by one"

Craig-my dear, sweet, hard-working husband. He works so hard all day to provide for our family so we have a home to live in, cars to drive, gas & insurance for those cars, food on the table, TV to watch, phones to use, and this computer I'm typing on. Then after he puts in a hard day's work earning a paycheck, he comes home to work on the house. At first, it was the slow remodeling downstairs, but now it's the more desperate work on the kitchen. And speaking of kitchens...

Liz-my loving, patient, retired mom. When she heard me tearfully explaining all the damage, she remained calm and offered her time and energy to assist us in getting our kitchen back together. If it weren't for her, Craig would still be getting the mud on the walls sanded. This is just one of the many, many things she has done over my nearly 39 years, (Yes I revealed my age!) not least of all is giving me life in the first place.

Christopher-my eldest son. I wish he really understood just how incredibly proud of him I am. I don't know if he reads this, but I sure hope so. He's a blessing. Just by being my son, he has taught me so much. While our relationship can be strained, he's put up with all my growth too. We had a lot of growing pains together.

Lynneah-Chris' girlfriend. She keeps Chris working hard and she takes care of their household. She's going to school and is supportive of my son. I'm pretty grateful Chris has a smart girlfriend and she's a sweetheart to boot.

Garett-my eldest no-longer-step-son. Looking back at the time when he lived with me, I regret stuff, but I'm grateful for him being willing to put up with me and still saying, "I love you" nowadays. Garett was there through some of the growing up with Chris and Garett helped me be a better step-mom to the boys I have now. I love all my kids, whether I'm no longer married to their dad or not. They are still my kids and my heart is invested.

Blake-my eldest step-son. He's such a funny kid, ahem, I mean adult. He's going to graduate high school this year and he's taught me to be patient and work the "Mom magic" in another way. Five or six years ago, he liked to test my limits and he learned quickly that I didn't like the tests. He's such a great man and Craig is so proud to have his lacrosse coaches come up to him and compliment Blake. He's great with younger kids and loves lacrosse so much. He's even willing to share his love and imbue that into them as well. What a great sharer!

Carter-my youngest step-son. Well, Carter's just funny. He's in that awkward teenage place right now, but he's maturing so much. I'm proud of the young man he's becoming. He used to grudgingly put up with hugs from my daughters, but now his affection is genuine and he understands how much they love him. I'm pretty sure it's reciprocated.

Oleesia-my eldest daughter. She's my moody, broody kid and I see a lot of me in her. I try so hard to teach her the good things. She wants an academic scholarship to college! Her grades and schoolwork are so important to her. Yet she still thinks of others. Last week, the girls didn't have school, but I still had class. My mom was working on the house and stayed with them while I was gone. Olee prearranged to have Mom help her clean the house for me. I came home from class with my laundry folded (groan), my bedding dried and put back on my bed and my entire house vacuumed.  Thank you Olee for being so thoughtful. It was nice to have that burden lifted even if I don't like other people folding my laundry.

Shaenin-my baby. She is the sparkle in my life. She wakes up happy. She smiles. She hugs. She kisses. She dances. She laughs. There's not a thing she does that doesn't make me smile. (Well, except argue with Olee, but isn't that what siblings are for?) The way she dresses makes me laugh and shake my head, but it works for her and that's what counts. She brings the sun on a crappy day.

And the rest of my blessings: my ward family, the Relief Society Presidency, my lovely friends: Lisa, Becky, Julie, Trina, Ali, Joy, Karma and the list goes on, Bishop Stott, Patriarch Monson, my old dog: Enli, my home, my bed, my brain, my education, my intelligence, my wardrobe, my endowments, the Elders, the Sisters, the returned missionaries, the Holy Ghost, my Heavenly Father, and my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

This is not an all-inclusive list... Thank goodness!

What are your blessings? Take a couple minutes to count them.

A Christian View

I was sitting at Panera Bread with a Spanish classmate on Tuesday afternoon. My classmate and I got to talking about religion. Hmmm! I had prayed for a missionary opportunity that very morning. My classmate had her Bible with her. I took a look at it because it looked a little different than most Bibles I'd seen. Her Bible wider than most. It had spots for her to journal in as she read on the outer margins of the pages! So cool! I kind of wish I had a Bible like that, but I have a blog and Face Book and regular old journals (LOTS of them) that I can write it, plus I LOVE to mark my scriptures with pretty colors.

Anyway, back to the reason I am writing! Sheesh! I checked the version of The Bible she was using. ESV. ESV? What the heck is ESV? English Standard Version. Ok what's that? I didn't read to know, but ok, ESV. I read the King James version like every other LDS person. Now hear comes the good part... My classmate, my dear sweet friend, said I wasn't Christian. WHAT?!?! I'm NOT Christian. Well, that's what she said. Because I'm Mormon, I'm not Christian. Well, my naive friend is 20-years-old. I'm almost (GASP!) 40. (Well 40 next year!) I have to say I find it almost offensive to be informed that I'm not Christian. It, unfortunately, shows the naivety of my dear, young friend.

So let's get educated... I'm am LDS, otherwise known as Mormon. AND I AM CHRISTIAN! Dictionary.com defines Christian as 1. of, pertaining to, or derived from Jesus Christ or His teachings: a Christian faith. 2. of, pertaining to, believing in, or belonging to the religion based on the teachings of Jesus Christ: Spain is a Christian country.

Me and my fellow Latter-Day Saints, or Mormons, fit both definitions. Let me explain... #1 I believe in Jesus Christ AND His teachings. #2 I belong to a religion based on the teachings of Jesus Christ. The official name of the LDS, or Mormon, church IS (drum roll please!) The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Um, Christ is right there in the name. And the Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ ALSO has Christ in its title. So I'm confused as to why I'm not considered Christian. I consider myself Christian, so do all my LDS friends and family. In fact, in the Book of Mormon, Jesus is mentioned in 2 Nephi 25:19 by name. He is spoken of much sooner being referenced as the Lamb of God, Son of God, and Messiah just like He is in The Bible. Please go read it! I promise it's an AWESOME book!

So on with my discussion with my friend. I think I've convinced her I'm Christian, but she wants to know what I believe about what Christ is and what He did while he was here on earth. Apparently, she believe Christ is wholly god and wholly man. That logic fails me. How can anyone defy the laws of mathematics and be TWO wholes? I believe Christ is half man and half god. His man half, or mortal half is what allowed Him to physically die on the cross. His godly half is what allowed Him to take on all our sins in the Garden of Gethsemane AND (now this is important!) resurrect himself three days later, giving us the Easter celebration. Jesus Christ was both mortal and god. Glad we all agree. Christ's suffering in Gethsemane allowed us to return to Heavenly Father so long as we've done our absolute best to follow His commandments. Jesus Christ redeemed us so we could return to Heavenly Father overcoming the spiritual death suffered by man in the Garden of Eden. Next, His resurrection allowed us to overcome physical death so we could return to our perfected physical bodies once they've died. He led the way.

Now folks, I may understand some things incorrectly here, so please help me out. Thoughts and opinions are welcome, but we must be respectful of one another. I did not tell my sweet friend she was wrong. I just didn't agree with her. Just like I wouldn't tell someone of Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist, or any other faith they are wrong. They just believe differently than I do.

If you'd like to know how I came by my faith and the faith of many other members of the LDS church, check out Mormon.org. The link to my profile is: http://www.mormon.org/me/F1YF/Brandi

I know the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the one true church here on earth at this time. It may be led by imperfect men, but they do their best to teach and preach the Gospel of Jesus Christ as best they know how. They are amazing and they love each and every one of us, Jehovah's Witnesses, Jews, Muslims, Catholics, Buddhist, and everyone else. They love us and want us all to come unto Christ.

I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

A Brother's View

Ok so if you've been reading this blog, you know I'm LDS (otherwise known as Mormon). In fact, most of my family is LDS. We all converted individually, for the most part, starting with me just after I turned 17. My sister, Andrea, followed suit a few years later. My mom, dad, sister Samantha, her then-husband, and my nephew, Christopher, were baptized when I was about 27 or 28. Since then Samantha's other children, Jonathan, Annabeth, and Sabryna have all been baptized and my girls want to be baptized as well, but they have to overcome a roadblock (permission from their dad). But, as usual, I'm off topic.

So I'm LDS and I think I've mentioned that I take my girls to the Portland Oregon Temple pretty frequently. We try to go once a week, but life happens. We've befriended a temple worker there, Brother Rosenbaum (or Rosenbalm). I think I've mentioned him before. Anyway, a couple weeks ago, we sat down for a bit of a chat in the temple atrium. Brother Rosenbaum was telling me how excited he is about teaching in Primary (Sunday School for children ages 3-11). He teaches with a companion and his companion has been teaching most of the lessons lately. Now, Brother Rosenbaum's excitement isn't JUST from teaching a class of 6 or 7-year-olds, but because his companion is going to be gone the next couple weeks and Brother Rosenbaum gets to lead the lessons. They've been learning The Articles of Faith (more to follow on this). You see Brother Rosenbaum is concerned about how these youngsters are learning this important pieces of LDS doctrine. There are the very basic tenants of our faith. It sums up LDS in 13(ish) sentences. Brother Rosenbaum says his companion has just been teaching the children to memorize The Articles of Faith. Well, in his opinion, it's not about the memorization of The Articles of Faith, but understanding WHAT THEY MEAN!!!

We should be teaching our children not only WHAT to do, but WHY we should do it. While, "Because I said so!" is really awesome as a parent. Does it really work? Do you remember when your parents said that to you? I know I would get huffy and upset and pout and storm around the house doing what I was told to do, but didn't like it all.

WHAT IF we said, "Because you're learning to take care of your things. Because it shows respect for your belongings, for your sibling(s), for your parents, for yourself."?

WHAT IF we said, "Because I want you to be able to take care of yourself when you no longer live with me." "Because I want you to know how to dust, vacuum, take out the trash, wash dishes, cook food so you don't like in a sty when you have your own place."?

WHAT IF we said, "Because you're serving your friend(s), your sibling(s), your parents, your community and when you serve others, you serve GOD"?

So "Because I said so" is good, but wouldn't a REASON be so much BETTER? I think it would.

So Brother Rosenbaum wants to teach these little people the WHY behind The Articles of Faith. Now I'm a grownup and I accept these articles, and always have, as a matter of faith. Children don't quite understand faith so it's our job to teach them faith, if at least faith in our abilities as parents. (Because goodness knows the older they get, the less faith they have in our abilities to parent until they're 25 or so.) I've read The Articles of Faith, nodded my head and said, "YEP! I believe all that!" and moved on. I DO NOT have them memorized, but I should. Brother Rosenbaum inspired me to teach my own  daughters The Articles of Faith, including the WHY so they can know them AND I can KNOW them. They are important. And isn't it our responsibility as parents to be our children's primary (meaning main) teachers? IT IS!!!

If you're Christian (just like me) or not, give them a read, see if you nod your head to a few of them, then I challenge to ask more. Missionaries and/or your LDS friends will be more than happy to answer your questions. So here they are:

The Articles of Faith of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

1. We believe in God, the Eternal Father, and in His Son, Jesus Christ, and in the Holy Ghost.

2. We believe that men will punished for their own sins, and not for Adam's transgression.

3. We believe that through the Atonement of Christ, all mankind may be saved, by obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel.

4. We believe that the first principles and ordinances of the Gospel are: first, Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ; second, Repentance; third, Baptism by immersion for the remission of sins; fourth, Laying on of hands for the gift of the Holy Ghost.

5. We believe that a man must be called of God, by prophecy, and by the laying on of hands by those who are in authority, to preach the Gospel and administer in the ordinances thereof.

6. We believe in the same organization that existed in the Primitive Church, namely, apostles, prophets, pastors, teachers, evangelists, and so forth.

7. We believe in the gift of tongues, prophecy, revelation, visions, healing, interpretation of tongues, and so forth.

8. We believe the Bible to be the word of God as far as it is translated correctly; we also believe the Book of Mormon to be the word of God.

9. We believe all that God has revealed, all that He does now reveal, and we believe that He will yet reveal many great and important things pertaining to the Kingdom of Heaven.

10. We believe in the literal gathering of Israel and in the restoration of the Ten Tribes; that Zion (the New Jerusalem) will be built upon the American continent; that Christ will reign personally upon the earth; and, that the earth will be renewed and receive its paradisiacal glory.

11. We claim the privilege of worshipping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may.

12. We believe in being subject to kings, presidents, rulers, and magistrates, in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law.

13. We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men; indeed, we may say that we follow the admonition of Paul -- We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.


Now that's LDS in a nutshell. I love the Gospel! I do! I'm so thankful for the happiness that I've found, both in my family and in myself. I know The Articles of Faith to be true and I will be a teacher to my children, not only in word, but by example too. They watch me closer than I think. Yours do too!

In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

A Long Awaited Rear View

I should have written this a week or two ago, but I let life keep me busy and that's never really a good thing. In the last few weeks, several things have happened and I'll have to tell you about them a little at a time.

The one thing I most want to talk about is our trip to the temple last week. Well about 10 days ago now. You see my daughters and I had been going to visit the Portland Oregon LDS temple every week since they began this school year in September. After I received my endowments on December 31st, we visited once and stopped for about eight weeks. Things were BUSY! Phew!

Finally, we made it a point to go visit. We were there on a Thursday and we were hoping our favorite temple worker was there. Lo and behold! He comes walking into the lobby still dressed in his temple clothes! He looks like an angel. Brother Rosenbaum, or Rosenbalm, (I'm not quite sure which!) enters the atrium after we've said our prayer and are about to read from Book of Mormon Stories. He visits with us for about 30 minutes so we can catch up on things. We tell him we haven't come for a while due to illness and being so darn busy! I inform him I received my endowments in December and I completed some temple work for my great^3 grandmother, Katherine Schmidt from Russia. Such exciting news!

Brother Rosenbaum has adopted us as his family too! Yay! He writes down all our names, our address and the like so we can stay in touch. Such a sweet man! He truly is an angel and he always makes our visits to the temple so much sweeter.

So with all that said, I need to bear my testimony of the temple. Here goes nothing:

Last year, sometime in September or October, my girls and I were on our weekly visit. We had prayed, read scripture and visited in the atrium of the temple. We stayed for about 45 minutes or so. As we were walking out, there was a sister temple worker in the lobby near the exit doors. The girls had already walked out the door and I was following, but the sister looked at me, smiled and said, "I am so proud of you." I just smiled and said something humble, like "Thank you" or "I'm not doing much." I didn't really brush it off, but it didn't hit me until I reached the car what had happened.

Heavenly Father had used this sister to tell me He was proud of ME! Holy good heavens! He spoke to me. Little old me! I hadn't been asking, or maybe I had been asking for so long I'd forgotten I was asking, but a fervent prayer and wish in my heart had been answered. He was PROUD of me!

You see this hits home because I made a LOT of mistakes when I was a teenager and in my early 20s. I was looking for my dad to be proud of me. He had checked out after my uncle committed suicide. It was really rough on him, but I NEEDED him and he wasn't there. Physically, yes, but emotionally, he just wasn't there. I had boyfriend after boyfriend and husband after husband (There are THREE ex-husbands, people!) seeking some type of acceptance from a strong male figure because Daddy had gone.

Now let me tell you, I love my dad. I know my step-mom, Sandy, is going to read this and maybe my dad will too, but this is me and this is how I feel. I'm not trying to condemn, blame, judge, persecute, or anything else, but this is how I feel and how I felt for a really long time. I had to come to the realization that I can't change the past and part of my past is a broken me and a broken family. Mom and Dad, I love you! Know that! I MEAN IT!

Back to the task at hand. For a bunch of years, while I was in the U.S. Army, I wanted my dad to tell me he was proud of me, of what I was doing, and where I was going with my life. I felt I had to beg him and he always told me he was proud of me when I asked, but I needed him to tell me he was proud of me without me having to ask. It's true. I went through my 20s with craziness and multiple marriages and a couple babies. I entered my 30s pregnant with my third child and in the process of my third divorce. That's when it hit me that I needed to get past all this needing my dad to be proud of me. I, ME, needed to be proud of me. That's all. But that day in the temple, my Father was proud of me. He told me I was doing the right thing. He told me, through a sweet temple worker, that I was on the right track. He told me the ONE thing I had been praying to hear without ever really voicing it.

All in all, I wouldn't change a thing that has happened in my past. It has made me the person I am today. I have an amazing husband, three beautiful children, two awesome step-sons, and I'm going to school. We're happy. Stressed out, with a tight budget, but we're happy. That type of happiness comes from knowing trials and pain and suffering. But I have the temple to go to for peace and calm and to get away from the madness of the world. God and Jesus Christ are there. They love me and are PROUD of me! What else is there, really?

Temple are sacred places. They are the house of God. He is there. He lives there. I know this to be TRUTH! In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

A Glance in the Rearview

OK OK so I know I posted already today, but I felt compelled to do it again after church, especially after speaking to my friend, Heather. It's the Holy Ghost at work! She gave a great lesson about Strengthening the Family and she's not married and has no children. (Sorry Heather! I'm not trying to rub it in.) But she asked, "Why should I care about strengthening families when I don't have one?" Well the sisters (women) in Relief Society (The LDS Church's women's organization) set her straight really quick. It comes down to this: Heather does have a family. She has parents, siblings, nieces, nephews, and so on. And perhaps, she'll be married in the temple one day? Who knows? Anyway, Heather said writing this is such a great way of journalling so I guess I needed to write about Sunday School.

Today, Jeff gave a lesson on the scriptures. We talked about what they are by definition and what they are by title. Now the Christian world knows the Holy Bible. The LDS Church uses the King James version. However, we (the LDS Church) have several more pieces of scripture. There's the Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Covenants, Pearl of Great Price, and what Jeff labeled as "Other". Well what's other? It's all the other stuff we've heard from prophets that isn't in the above mentioned books. It's talks from General Conference. It's articles from the Ensign magazine. It's other materials from the General Authorities of the Church. That's all scripture.

You see, we "Mormons" or members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints believe we have a prophet on the earth today. As Jeff pointed out in class, with much sarcasm, things have changed a little bit since biblical times. Without the sarcasm, they've changed a LOT and with those changes, why would our Heavenly Father stop talking to us? Well, duh! He wouldn't! So we know we have current revelation and God lives and is as involved in our lives as we let Him.

Moving on... Jeff asked the class if anyone would share any spiritual, testimony building moments. Jeff shared about a choice he had to make on his mission and whether to swap out companions. John shared about when he was a boy. Wolfgang shared about some health trials he and his wife experience during one of her pregnancies. I wracked my brain and felt like the scriptures had never touched me, but once we defined the "Other" category, I realized I had been touched by the scriptures.

In the spirit of full disclosure, I don't read scriptures every day like I should and after today's lesson that's changing. I do know when I read, my day goes better. Nearly always. And if my day isn't a good one, I have strength and hope to get through it. Don't underestimate that power. It's important.

So my being touched by scripture came while live streaming October 2012's General Conference during the Saturday afternoon session. Elder Larry Echo Hawk of the Quorum of the Seventy spoke. His talk is called, "Come Unto Me, O Ye House of Israel". (https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/10/come-unto-me-o-ye-house-of-israel?lang=eng) This talk made me cry and cry and blubber and cry some more. You see, Elder Echo Hawk is Pawnee and he's a convert to the Church. His story about being yelled at while in basic training for the Marine Corps reached into my heart and grabbed me. His exhortation for every person of Native American descent to read the Book of Mormon touched the very fabric of my soul. That day I made a pact to read the entire Book of Mormon. In fact, I challenged my younger sister, Andrea, to read it with me. We started on December 31st, 2012. Neither of us has finished it yet. I'm on Alma 15 and she's at 3 Nephi 6. On the bright side, both of us have read farther than we'd ever read before. She's actually about to come to the part where Christ visits the Nephites, a fact I learned today. (Thanks Jeff! I promise I was listening!)

I wanted to be sure I put my testimony down. I have a testimony that the scriptures are true. I have a testimony that the General Authorities are prophets, seers, and revelators in the modern day and they are here to guide us through these very troublesome times. I sustain them.

I am so glad to have heard Elder Echo Hawk's talk a year-and-a-half ago. I'm blessed to have received my endowments. Bishop, thank you for the "nudge" that was actually a shove!

I love this Gospel. It is truth.

These things I say in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

How Do You Accept a Non-Apology? With Charity. Duh!

So I play in a co-ed recreational indoor soccer league on Saturday evenings. I've twisted my ankle, jammed my toes, turf burned my knees and hands. I've even had my glasses broken when a ball kicked by a teammate slammed HARD into my face. Needless to say, the teammate apologized profusely and even offered to pay for a replacement pair of glasses. Said teammate is now good-naturedly ribbed for the incident and I refused to allow her to pay for my new glasses since I took the risk by wearing them while playing.

In this league, there are some teams that get a little TOO competitive given that it's a recreational league. They get angry when calls don't go their way. They kick the balls really hard, potentially causing injury to other players. They slam people smaller than themselves against the walls causing actual injuries. They trip. They push. They mouth off to the referee. You get the idea. Anyway, a few weeks ago, we were playing this team we've played before and this gal was mouthing off loudly after one of our players had been injured and I told her to be quiet and let the referee call the game. I think I told her, "Just stop talking." When she didn't, I said, "Shut up!" I was escorting our injured player off the field at the time and constantly running mouth really wasn't necessary.

Well the game continued after a moment or two, but it became more heated on both sides. Eventually, the mouthy gal and I were marking (guarding) one another when I gained advantage by poking the ball away from her by putting my legs between hers, a perfectly legal move. I didn't knock her down, but she seemed stunned I was that close to her. Later, near my team's goal, we were marking one another again when the ball was passed to her. In our efforts to gain control of the ball, she rolled her foot over the top of the ball, tripped over my feet and fell to the ground. As she was trying to get up, she swung in an effort to punch me. I did nothing, but walked away. Nothing was said about the incident until a teammate mentioned it to me after the game.

So last night, we played this team again. The only heated moment was when a guy didn't like the referee's call about a handball, but really things were fine. At one point, this gal and I were marking one another again near her team's goal. She says to me, "Hey no hard feelings about the game a few weeks ago?" I responded with "I just don't like being swung at." In my mind, this was NOT an apology.

I have children. They do and say things to one another to hurt feelings and all that. When I get involved apologies happen. Words like "I'm sorry..." and "I apologize..." come from their mouths. They acknowledge what they did wrong and accept responsibility for their actions. But what the gal said to me wasn't any of that. A friend of mine said, "Humble enough to suggest guilt, proud enough not to say, "I'm sorry,"" He said it was a halfway effort. He's right. But why make the effort it you're not going to go all the way?

So as I was contemplating what to say here, I thought about forgiveness and forgetting. Now I forgive her behavior, but she won't know that unless she apologizes, because she hasn't acknowledged what she did. However, I won't forget her behavior, at least so I don't get sucker-punched the next time we play and she's frustrated. I looked up the definition of apology and according to dictionary.com it means: "a written or spoken expression of one's regret, remorse, or sorrow for having insulted, failed, injured, or wronged another." She didn't express regret, remorse or sorrow. She just didn't want me to hold it against her. Not the same thing. It was a halfway effort.

Now I always try to think about something related to Jesus Christ in all these posts. I try to think about how I can apply this to my everyday. The one thing that came to mind is charity. According to the Bible Dictionary, charity is: "The highest, noblest, strongest kind of love, not merely affection; the pure love of Christ. It is never used to denote alms or deed or benevolence, although it may be a prompting motive." So giving money to a good cause is not charity, but the feeling of charity may be the prompting to do so. It is pure love, best described as unconditional love.

A little over two years ago, my bishop told me to talk to my then-boyfriend, now-husband, about getting married. I didn't know how to ask and he told me "with charity". It took a couple weeks to get it. I had to ask, loving my boyfriend, regardless of the answer I may hear. Needless to say we're happy with the final outcome, but I digress.

Charity is best described in 1 Corinthians chapter 13. We often see this passage using love in place of charity, but it's important to use charity. Love and charity are not the same. Love is a part of charity, but not all of charity. The Apostle Paul writes:
(1) Though I speak with the tongues of men and angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.
(2) And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all the mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.
(3) And though, I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.
(4) Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up.
(5) Doth not behave itself unseemingly, seeked not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil.
(6) Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
(7) Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
(8) Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; where there be tongues, they shall cease; where there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.
(9) For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.
(10) But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.
(11) When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
(12) For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
(13) And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.

So in the end of it all, because I try hard to have charity for everyone (and no I'm not perfect) the action is forgiven. Not forgotten, but forgiven. Apologies require being humble with no pride so when talking to someone you only see on a soccer pitch and should apologize, I see where it can be diffcult. This is where we could all use some work, I'm sure. Pride is a tough pill to swallow, but the end result of humility is worth it. I've been there. It's tough, but it's possible. In the wise words of Yoda, "Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no try." If it were as simple as that.

In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Let's Review Sass

So at the beginning of the week, I hadn't gotten much sleep because I was so far behind on homework. I'm a full time student and I have children so when people start getting sick, I focus on being a mom and the student stuff falls by the wayside. <Sigh> Oh well! So I sacrificed a LOT of sleep and thought for sure I would want to write about it when I got to the end of the week. As it turns out, this is as much as I want to mention it because I had a great conversation, short but great, nonetheless, with my bishop as we walked out of the church this afternoon.

I had been speaking with the Elders, the full-time missionaries serving in our ward, about my non-member husband and how we could get him to read scriptures. I'm really not patient enough, but we discussed it. As I was finishing up with the Elders, I was telling them about the snarky comment I made to my husband, Craig, about his attempt to make me feel bad for asking him to leave work to come home and have dinner with us. In order to feed the Elders in my home, I'm dependent on him to be there. Rules are rules after all!

I mean really, is it too much to ask him to be home by 6pm when he's worked all week until 6:30pm or later and begun his days between 6:30 & 7:15am? I don't think it is, but he tried to make me feel bad for pulling him from work to be here to have dinner with the Elders. <sigh>  ANYWAY! I didn't feel bad and asked him if he was trying to make me feel guilty. I think he was so I just told him I would start scheduling them on Saturdays instead. So there! I am a sassy pants and this is what I was telling my bishop.

I ended up telling him I save no sass for my husband. He gets it all. Bishop said no wife should. If she's holding any sass back, she needs to stop. Wow! A man who believes it's correct that a wife should be sassy to her hubby. Now neither one of us are saying this should be an all the time thing, but when you're not asking much of a person, then by all means, SASS AWAY!

And let's just call my house what it is... It's a matriarchy. If you're not sure what that means, it means it's ruled by women. I am a matriarch and I'm PROUD of it. My husband likes to tell people he wears the pants in the family. One of his wise co-workers agreed and had this to say, "But she tells you what color." Behind every good man is a sassy woman. A woman who knows what she wants and how to get it. Now I'm not talking about being selfish or self-centered. I'm just talking about understanding needs. I NEED my husband home before 7:30pm from time-to-time because I LIKE him. I like to see his face and know he's ok. I LIKE to have him in the house. I LIKE watching TV with him. I LIKE his dumb jokes. He makes me laugh. I LIKE to laugh.

Do I know he has a job and that's important? Yes! But I also know we're married and I plan to be around a LOT longer than his job so it would be nice to have a husband, not just a roommate that shares a bed with me. I love therefore I sass and that's that.

So to bring some Gospel into this God made Eve to be a help meet to Adam (Genesis 2:18). I am Craig's help meet, meaing a worthy or appropriate assistant, but I can't appropriately or worthily assist him if he's not here to assist. I can't massage his shoulders or hands, feed him a hot dinner, listen to his news of the day, and the like, if he's not home.

And that's my rear view... Sass is blast when used with love.

My First Rear View

So I was driving home from dropping my girls off with their dad and in my rear view mirror I see a beat up old Toyota with disabled license plates being driven by a lil' old lady. Her passenger, presumably her husband, was flossing his teeth. While we were stopped at a traffic light, the lil' lady started flossing her teeth too! Nothing says love like dental hygiene during a Sunday drive. Now she wasn't a bad driver because when we started moving again, the floss was down and both hands were on the wheel, eyes front. BUT it did give me the inspiration to begin this blog.

We all know hind sight is 20/20. We see clearly and much more perfectly after the deeds have been done. And how many of us have face palmed when looking back? I bet it's each and every one of us, at least once. I have many years to face palm for, but at the risk of bruising my nose, eyes, or forehead and possibly breaking my wrist, I stopped. Thank goodness I stopped! I think I look hideous with bruises on my face, but that's another story about a soccer ball.

As I was thinking about the content for this blog post, I realized there are persons who have perfect forward vision. And yes, I'm going to sound all preachy, but Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ have that perfect vision. It's wonderful and amazing and awe inspiring and I'm so very grateful for it and humbled by it. Forgive my run-on sentence(s), but I wouldn't be so happy today without their perfect forward vision. They know what's good for me and what I can handle. And it's a good thing too, because I could have gotten into so much more trouble. I'm fortunate to have them to lean on.

So my challenge is this, like that lil' old lady driving the Toyota, keep your eyes to the front and think and press forward. If your past burdens are weighing you down, get down on your knees and pray to Heavenly Father for help and guidance. He will help. He knows YOU personally and loves YOU as an individual. Ask for Jesus Christ's help in carrying those burdens until you can put them down and leave them in YOUR rear view mirror. Then let them just disappear in the cloud of dust as you move forward.

I know Christ will help you with the burdens of your past because He helped me with mine. I testify to you of that truth. Use your rear view mirror to learn and grow and not repeat your mistakes.

May Heavenly Father bless you! In Jesus Christ's name, Amen.