Yup, I said it! There's a marble loose in my head. It's not lost though so no worries.
Anyway, I've heard many a high school and college girl say, "Modest is hottest!" with pride. And perhaps they should, but isn't that something of an oxymoron? I happen to believe so.
When my, now 11-year-old daughter, was in Kindergarten, a boy in her class told her she was "hot". I explained that he thought she was cute, but it made her feel really uncomfortable. After all, she was only five at the time. Boys were weirdos (She's still right on that point!) and being told she was "hot", or even cute for that matter, by a member of the opposite sex who wasn't related to her, was just strange. After she came home the second time telling me this little guy told her she was "hot". I emailed her teacher, who intervened and explained to the youngster that it was inappropriate language for Kindergarten and it made people feel uncomfortable. It stopped.
Now, we're talking about five-year-olds here, but even now and I'm (gasp!) almost 40 and I don't want some guy to tell me I'm "hot". If it's my husband, then go ahead, but generally that's not the case. While I appreciate this person may be just trying to compliment me, there are other, not-so-crude, ways to do it. Words like: "You look nice." and "I think you're beautiful." work just as nicely and don't make me think you're trying to bed me. So when I hear "Modest is hottest", I think, "Really? Is that true?"
It's true that to be modest is a GREAT thing. I teach my girls modesty. Heck, even Muhammad Ali taught his girls modesty when they were wearing more revealing clothing. A bit his daughter Hana shared in a More Than A Hero: Muhammad Ali’s Life Lessons Through His Daughter’s Eyes about modesty:
“When we arrived, the chauffer escorted my youngest sister, Laila, and me to my father’s suite. As usual, he was hiding behind the door waiting to scare us. And we exchanged as many hugs and kisses as we could possibly give in one day.
“My father then took a good look at us. He sat me down in his lap and said something I will never forget. He looked me straight in the eyes and said: ‘Hana, everything that God made valuable in the world is covered and hard to get to. Where do you find diamonds? Deep down in the ground, covered and protected. Where do you find pearls? Deep down at the bottom of the ocean, covered up and protected in a beautiful shell. Where do you find gold? Way down and in the mine, covered over with layers and layers of rock. You’ve got to work hard to get them.’
“He looked at me again with serious eyes and said, ‘Your body is sacred. You’re far more precious than diamonds and pearls, and you should be covered too.'”
While I agree with what Mr. Ali is explaining to his daughters, I think there's more to modesty than just our exterior appearance.
In the "For the Strength of Youth" pamphlet from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, there are multiple topics that could cover modesty. Topics such as the obvious Dress and Appearance, but what about these others? Dating, Entertainment and Media, Friends, Sexual Purity, Language, and Physical and Emotional Health.
Modesty comes down to thoughts, actions, demeanor, body language, tone of voice, and, of course, dress.
Do we want our children listening to songs like "99 Problems" and "Blurred Lines"? Um, no.
Do we want our children to have some romanticized notion that relationships like the movie "Friends with Benefits" work out? I don't because it doesn't.
I would encourage us all to help our children to keep their minds innocent and pure by thinking about good things: school, sports, friendships, family; and not what a member of the opposite sex may look like with their clothes off or what it would be like to kiss him/her.
I try to teach my girls the reason we dress more conservatively is because when they get older, they want a person to like them for how nice, smart, athletic, funny they are, how good of a friend they are, how well they treat other people. Not because they're cute or "hot". I want all the amazing qualities I see in my daughters to be the reason some boy wants to take her on a date and not just her good looks.
I encourage my girls to be friends with girls and boys alike. One of my big girl's best friends is a boy and they love the same book series, so much so they dressed up like characters from the books for last Halloween and they had a GREAT time!
Today, men and women, boys and girls, are being bombarded with social media, movies, TV shows, music and books that blast the notions of chastity and modesty are antiquated, but I think the conservative side is just that... Conserving my children's hearts, minds, bodies, and souls for the best future they could possibly have.
And let us not forget modesty has two meanings... Not only is it about being conservative in our dress so that we're not indecent, but it also means we should be moderate or unassuming as well, such as not dressing in showy, expensive clothing. Be modest in our dress doesn't just mean cover up, but it means to not be flashy too.
Ultimately, the focus here is on looking at people for what they have on the inside because that's what counts in the end. It's not the label they have on their clothes or the length of the hemline. It's how you treat people. After all, He commanded us to love one another.
One final thought...
I go to church and I dress conservatively. Most of the people in my ward do. However, on the occasion a new face appears and they don't "blend" in because they're in jeans, pants for a woman, or something tight and skin-baring. Let's not judge. Maybe that person is just getting started on their journey and they need a friend and that friend is you. Perhaps that person doesn't have the ability to revamp their wardrobe in such a way to be conservatively dressed. Let's just follow the commandment I mentioned above by smiling at them, introducing yourself, and showing them around. Love them. You may be just what they needed.
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