Calling All Moms

So yesterday was Mother's Day, and all over the United States, maybe in other countries too, people celebrated their mothers. I didn't get to see my mom except in a couple photos I posted on Facebook. My mom was out of town racing outrigger canoes somewhere in the Puget Sound. Yup! My mom is pretty amazing and active. Who said retired means you're bored? Right mom?

Anyway, I've added a photo. It's my favorite photo of me and my mom. I think I was about 3 or 4 years old. You can see one of my younger sisters is with us. My other two sisters weren't yet twinkling in my parents' eyes. I don't know why I was in bed with my mom, but it certainly looks like I had had a bad dream and needed my mom. I still have bad dreams and there are times when I still need my mom. I'm fortunate I still have her around. My mom lost her mom when she was only 24. I didn't get to know my grandma very well, but I have her chair. (That's another story.)

My mom looks like an angel in this picture. She looks like there's nothing else in the world she'd rather be doing than have her girls in bed with her and hugging one who just had a bad dream. I didn't start writing today to talk about how amazing my mom is and I think she's pretty amazing. I started writing because moms are pretty amazing. All moms.

I'm sure you've heard the saying "Any man can be a father, but it takes a real man to be a dad." Well something similar can be said for women. It's just biology that makes one a mother, but it's the actions once pregnancy occurs that determines a mom or not.

I've experienced all kinds of moms. I have a friend who's a single mom. I was a single mom for a while. I have a friend who's a mother of SEVEN! And she loves EVERY one of her babies. She LOVES being a mom. I have friends with one kid, two kids and more, step-kids, and all kinds of crazy blended families. In fact, I'm part of a crazy blended family. And all these moms are amazing women. They're stretched to the limits of their patience. They're stretched to the limits of sleep deprivation. They're stretched to the limits period.

Yes, I'm a mom and I'm writing this, but I, by no means, think I'm an amazing mom. I have three children from two former husbands, plus two step-sons from a third husband. I even have a former step-son whom I love very much, but I'm not amazing. I yell too much. I lose my patience. I don't read to my girls at night like I should. I hate to cook so dinner is a struggle almost every night and I don't even have children home every night since I share custody of my girls; my son has graduated and moved out; and my step-sons all live with their mothers.

So why am I writing this? I'm writing this to tell you moms have so much power. Don't get me wrong, we feel powerless pretty often, but it's just frustration, aggravation and sleep deprivation. But we have so much power. We're the first person our children ever hear. They hear us from the inside out. They know our heartbeat. They know our breath sounds. (Even when there's a little knee or foot in the ribcage.) We're the first person they smell. The first person they bond with. We moms become their everything, their cheerleader, their teacher, their support.

The foundation of everything a child has the opportunity to know comes first from their mom. Take a look at Robert Fulghum's "All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten". Think of all the things he talks about from "Share everything." to "- the biggest word of all - LOOK." Moms teach those things. Read it. It's all in there. The funniest thing is as we grow up and go out into the world we seem to stop listening to our moms. And why is that? Mostly, we think we know better from about 12 or 13 years old until we've wizened up around 30. That's a lot of years to think you know better.

There are those strange anomalies of children out there that really think their mom is awesome and they love her, honor her, and for Heaven's sake, LISTEN to her well into their 20s. Those anomalies seem to have things figured out. I have names of a couple... Lanie and Tiernan. Great job ladies! Your moms love you and know what she's talking about. And I promise it's always meant with love.

I actually told my son on Saturday that everything I ever did for him was out of love and wanting the absolute best for him. I'm proud of him. He's still growing up, but he's doing pretty well. It's not all my doing, but I'd like to think I have a lot to do with it. He won't admit it for another 10 years or so, but I know it's in there somewhere.

Being a mom is a sacred calling. It is. We chose it before we came to earth. Not all moms are biological moms. In fact, one of the sweetest people I know wasn't able to have children, but she's an amazing mom to two very sweet little boys. They are so lucky to have her. But it is a sacred calling. Moms have been entrusted with the hearts and spirits of Heavenly Father's children as they start out on this journey and it is, literally, our God given responsibility to be the first and best example of charity, love, faith, patience, kindness, humility, sacrifice, service, good, truth, righteousness, honesty, fairness, and compassion. See 1 Corinthians 13 for any questions. You can find similar thoughts written in The Book of Mormon, Moroni 7:44-47.

He never said it would be easy. He only said it would be worth it.

Moms, all you moms out there, is it worth it?

I know it is.

Bar Review

Ok so let's just be honest... Sure why not!

I met my husband in a bar. And yes I'm LDS. Or Mormon as some people would call it.

So why would a nice LDS girl such as myself be in a bar? Well, I was up to no good and I wasn't exactly an active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. And I wasn't too proud of myself, and looking back, I'm still none too proud of my behavior back then, but I wouldn't be the strong person I am today without having gone through it.

There are a whole lot of "What Not To Dos" in that situation, but let's count the good things instead. Isn't it always nicer to count the good things in life? I think so.

So good things...

I found my forever companion. He may not be a member of the LDS church, but he is my forever companion. We'll be sealed one day.

My girls have a second father figure in their life.

My son has someone he can call about cars and other manly stuff and knows he can depend on the answers he receives to be straight-forward, honest, to-the-point, and informed.

I gained two great sons.

I also gained some perspective about myself and how I had been going about looking for Mr. Right. Needless to say, I learned a whole lot of "what not to do", but in the end I was able to determine what I'd done right.

First and foremost, I was myself. There were no pretenses. I was really in a "take it or leave it" mode. If he liked me, GREAT! If he didn't, well I didn't need him. I guess I was just ready to be me, not play games, and get to know a person.

Next, I was confident. I wasn't afraid to share about myself. I can't tell you how many photos of my kids I shared with him that night. I don't think I stopped talking about them most of the evening either. He knew what was most important to me.

Now I know you're asking me where are your kids while you're out at a bar meeting this guy who is now your husband?

So my eldest, my son, was in Colorado visiting his father. My girls were on their dad's days, or his half of the week, so I was free to do whatever I wanted without having to worry about the morning "walk of shame" or paying a babysitter until 8:00am when I returned home. All I needed to worry about was me, myself, and I.

Ok so the three of us, me, myself and I, were a very persuasive bunch. We, or I, managed to keep my husband away from a blind date his co-worker had set up. Remember, he wasn't my husband then, just some guy I'd just met. Apparently I was sufficiently charming and, just barely, a good enough dancer to make him want to stay around. He called his buddy and informed him that the date girl would be left hanging. Ah such is the life of 20-somethings I suppose. I don't know. I didn't really date when I was in my 20s. Sad but true.

And that's something I learned too. DATE!! Go on LOTS OF DATES! Meet lots of people. Learn what you like and don't like about people. It's OK to date many different people. It sure beats getting married and divorced three times, leaving yourself with three children and two baby-daddies. Instead, dating allows you the opportunity to get to know people slowly and make sure they're worth it when you decide to marry them. You're more likely to end up being married ONCE (it's important) and raising children TOGETHER in a single, non-dysfunctional family setting when you get to know someone first and take your time with dating.

I tell my girls they need to date a lot of boys when they get to be 16-years-old. YES 16! No boys allowed until then. Otherwise they have cooties. (Sorry boys, but it's for everyone's own good. I promise.)

Anyway, this bar gave me an opportunity to date an amazing man, who is honest and sweet and forgetful. He's a hard-worker (sometimes to a fault). He's handy to have around the house. He loves baseball and NASCAR. He roots whole-heartedly for the Trailblazers, Mariners, Seahawks, and Tony Stewart. He bemoans the Steelers, wishing they were better, but he loves them for better or for worse and has for the last 35 years.

This man is now, after 11 months of dating and 4 years and 9 months of living together, my husband. We have been together for over 7 years and this summer we will celebrate two years of marriage. We're in it for better, for worse, in sickness, in health, for richer, for poorer, through floods and remodels, college and graduating children, lacrosse and soccer games, dirty dishes and messy garages. We're in it for the long haul.

This nice LDS girl met the guy of her dreams in a bar one cold December night. The Lord truly works in mysterious ways. My husband and I have grown a lot together and as individuals, laughed more, and love every minute of our crazy life with our crazy kids.

It just goes to show you that each one of our journeys is different and we can always find a good path to travel, if you're willing to look for it, listen with all your might to the Spirit and follow those instructions. My path led me to Craig, led me back to the Gospel and is continuing to lead me in a positive direction.

Now my bar is made of iron and I hold on with all my might.