I just helped my daughter get her PJs on when I turned back to my BBQ pork sandwich. I looked at a list I'd written of who to write on Sundays. I LOVE to make lists. I spotted my grandmother's name and I began thinking about my ancestry. My living ancestry. I'm somewhere in the middle. I still have one biological grandparent alive having lost my maternal grandmother in 1980, my paternal grandfather in 1997, and my maternal grandfather just a few years ago. Both my parents are living, all my sisters, and we've not lost any of our children (fingers crossed). So I'm both a parent and a child, but I started thinking about the amount of time I make for my family.
My grandmother is still alive, but how do I live with her? The last time I saw her was in March and we were celebrating her 80th birthday. I've thought and thought that I need to drive over and take her to lunch or just hang out with her, but I never seem to find the time. (Or perhaps better stated, I don't make the time.) I am so busy with my own tiny portion of my larger family that my grandmother, mother, sisters, nieces and nephews get pushed into a corner to gather dust and cobwebs like the chair I "inherited" from my long-passed grandmother.
I rarely see my cousins. Facebook seems to have become the chosen method of communication for more distant relatives. Of course, when you're spread all over, it works out pretty well. But I have a cousin, who just graduated from her program of study and lives not too far away, that I haven't seen since she took my wedding photos over two years ago. Her sister, who lives 60+ miles away, I see on an annual basis to exchange Girl Scout cookies. Their sister lives in Utah and I don't see much of her at all. Could I though?
Do we take for granted our extended families? Is there a way to spend some time with them once a month, a quarter, a year even, to reconnect and see where everyone is and how they're doing without the use of a computer screen? And to that end, do I take my (not-so) tiny portion of my bigger family for granted too? Will my husband come home tomorrow? Will I get to watch another of my daughters' soccer games? Will I get to have another lunch with my mother?
I don't know what tomorrow will bring so the answer to those questions could, very well, be "no". And wouldn't it be a tragedy to pass through the veil and find that I'd squandered my time here and now.
As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I am taught that the family is central to Heavenly Father's plan of happiness. It is NEVER taught that it is just my spouse and my children, but my family. My ENTIRE family. And since I just completed my maternal grandmother's temple work yesterday (with thanks to the lovely temple workers at the Portland Oregon Temple), I think it's high time I (we) recognize not only who I am (we are) and what I've (we've) contributed to my (our) family, but to be grateful for where I (we) came from as well. We are the posterity of those who have gone before us. Let's leave this world better than the way it was when we came into it. Honor thy father and thy mother, and aunt, and uncle, and cousin, and grandmother, and grandfather and so on.
Thursday, September 18, 2014
Thursday, July 31, 2014
What If?
So Oleesia and I were talking about church and all that Wednesday afternoon. I showed her a poem her dad posted on his Facebook page and we decided to talk about it. It's titled "What If?" by Ganga White. It's lovely and simple and thought provoking. I'll share it with you and share some of things Oleesia and I talked about as we read the poem together. Here goes:
What If?
What if our religion was each other?
If our practice was our life?
If prayer was our words?
What if the Temple was the Earth?
If forests were our church?
If holy water - the rivers, lakes and oceans?
What if meditation was our relationships?
If the Teacher was life?
If wisdom was self-knowledge?
If love was the center of our being
Thank you to the author. This is beautiful and it is accurate. Because what you question is reality.
Our religion is each other. As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I know this. Our purpose on this earth is to care for one another, to serve, to love, to care for one another. In essence, our religion is each other.
Our practice is our life. Heavenly Father gave us this mortal life as a test, a practice for the eternities. We get to practice, make mistakes, fix them and start over to do better. It's on going and ever evolving to make us the best we can be.
Prayer is our words. With every word we speak, we can hurt or help. We speak to one another and can speak the words of Truth, what God would have us speak or we can speak lies and wound. They are our prayers. God is listening to us ALL. THE. TIME. So choose your words carefully. Are they meant to hurt or heal?
The Temple is the Earth. This is the world Heavenly Father has built for us. It is a temple, just as our homes are temples. Our bodies are temples. Then there are the buildings we call temples. Any place that allows God and the Spirit to be welcome and reside is a temple.
Forests are our church. We can pray to God, worship Him where ever. In a forest, on a lake, in the middle of the ocean. As long as we look to God, we make a church where we are. Forests included.
Water is holy. The springs, streams, creeks, rivers, ponds, lakes, seas, oceans. They are the water of Life. Jesus Christ was baptized in a river. Water is essential to our salvation.
Meditation is our relationships, if you're caring correctly. To meditate is the act of thinking deeply and focusing one's mind for a period of time. If your relationships are handled as meditation, your focus is solely on them, building them up and thinking deeply on them as much as possible to make them important.
The Teacher is Life. Read the Holy Bible, it's in there. Jesus Christ is the Teacher and through Him is Life Eternal. Pure and simple.
Wisdom is self-knowledge. As we learn and grow wise, we gain self-knowledge and what we are meant to do in this life. We grow closer to Heavenly Father and gain knowledge about what His plan is for us in the life.
Love is the center of our being. If we follow the commandments, then we love one another as we've been commanded. We find love in all things, hope in all things.
This poem couldn't be more true.
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
A Modest View
So I've been sitting on this topic for quite some time. It's been rolling around in my head like a loose marble.
Yup, I said it! There's a marble loose in my head. It's not lost though so no worries.
Anyway, I've heard many a high school and college girl say, "Modest is hottest!" with pride. And perhaps they should, but isn't that something of an oxymoron? I happen to believe so.
When my, now 11-year-old daughter, was in Kindergarten, a boy in her class told her she was "hot". I explained that he thought she was cute, but it made her feel really uncomfortable. After all, she was only five at the time. Boys were weirdos (She's still right on that point!) and being told she was "hot", or even cute for that matter, by a member of the opposite sex who wasn't related to her, was just strange. After she came home the second time telling me this little guy told her she was "hot". I emailed her teacher, who intervened and explained to the youngster that it was inappropriate language for Kindergarten and it made people feel uncomfortable. It stopped.
Now, we're talking about five-year-olds here, but even now and I'm (gasp!) almost 40 and I don't want some guy to tell me I'm "hot". If it's my husband, then go ahead, but generally that's not the case. While I appreciate this person may be just trying to compliment me, there are other, not-so-crude, ways to do it. Words like: "You look nice." and "I think you're beautiful." work just as nicely and don't make me think you're trying to bed me. So when I hear "Modest is hottest", I think, "Really? Is that true?"
It's true that to be modest is a GREAT thing. I teach my girls modesty. Heck, even Muhammad Ali taught his girls modesty when they were wearing more revealing clothing. A bit his daughter Hana shared in a More Than A Hero: Muhammad Ali’s Life Lessons Through His Daughter’s Eyes about modesty:
While I agree with what Mr. Ali is explaining to his daughters, I think there's more to modesty than just our exterior appearance.
In the "For the Strength of Youth" pamphlet from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, there are multiple topics that could cover modesty. Topics such as the obvious Dress and Appearance, but what about these others? Dating, Entertainment and Media, Friends, Sexual Purity, Language, and Physical and Emotional Health.
Modesty comes down to thoughts, actions, demeanor, body language, tone of voice, and, of course, dress.
Do we want our children listening to songs like "99 Problems" and "Blurred Lines"? Um, no.
Do we want our children to have some romanticized notion that relationships like the movie "Friends with Benefits" work out? I don't because it doesn't.
I would encourage us all to help our children to keep their minds innocent and pure by thinking about good things: school, sports, friendships, family; and not what a member of the opposite sex may look like with their clothes off or what it would be like to kiss him/her.
I try to teach my girls the reason we dress more conservatively is because when they get older, they want a person to like them for how nice, smart, athletic, funny they are, how good of a friend they are, how well they treat other people. Not because they're cute or "hot". I want all the amazing qualities I see in my daughters to be the reason some boy wants to take her on a date and not just her good looks.
I encourage my girls to be friends with girls and boys alike. One of my big girl's best friends is a boy and they love the same book series, so much so they dressed up like characters from the books for last Halloween and they had a GREAT time!
Today, men and women, boys and girls, are being bombarded with social media, movies, TV shows, music and books that blast the notions of chastity and modesty are antiquated, but I think the conservative side is just that... Conserving my children's hearts, minds, bodies, and souls for the best future they could possibly have.
And let us not forget modesty has two meanings... Not only is it about being conservative in our dress so that we're not indecent, but it also means we should be moderate or unassuming as well, such as not dressing in showy, expensive clothing. Be modest in our dress doesn't just mean cover up, but it means to not be flashy too.
Ultimately, the focus here is on looking at people for what they have on the inside because that's what counts in the end. It's not the label they have on their clothes or the length of the hemline. It's how you treat people. After all, He commanded us to love one another.
One final thought...
I go to church and I dress conservatively. Most of the people in my ward do. However, on the occasion a new face appears and they don't "blend" in because they're in jeans, pants for a woman, or something tight and skin-baring. Let's not judge. Maybe that person is just getting started on their journey and they need a friend and that friend is you. Perhaps that person doesn't have the ability to revamp their wardrobe in such a way to be conservatively dressed. Let's just follow the commandment I mentioned above by smiling at them, introducing yourself, and showing them around. Love them. You may be just what they needed.
Yup, I said it! There's a marble loose in my head. It's not lost though so no worries.
Anyway, I've heard many a high school and college girl say, "Modest is hottest!" with pride. And perhaps they should, but isn't that something of an oxymoron? I happen to believe so.
When my, now 11-year-old daughter, was in Kindergarten, a boy in her class told her she was "hot". I explained that he thought she was cute, but it made her feel really uncomfortable. After all, she was only five at the time. Boys were weirdos (She's still right on that point!) and being told she was "hot", or even cute for that matter, by a member of the opposite sex who wasn't related to her, was just strange. After she came home the second time telling me this little guy told her she was "hot". I emailed her teacher, who intervened and explained to the youngster that it was inappropriate language for Kindergarten and it made people feel uncomfortable. It stopped.
Now, we're talking about five-year-olds here, but even now and I'm (gasp!) almost 40 and I don't want some guy to tell me I'm "hot". If it's my husband, then go ahead, but generally that's not the case. While I appreciate this person may be just trying to compliment me, there are other, not-so-crude, ways to do it. Words like: "You look nice." and "I think you're beautiful." work just as nicely and don't make me think you're trying to bed me. So when I hear "Modest is hottest", I think, "Really? Is that true?"
It's true that to be modest is a GREAT thing. I teach my girls modesty. Heck, even Muhammad Ali taught his girls modesty when they were wearing more revealing clothing. A bit his daughter Hana shared in a More Than A Hero: Muhammad Ali’s Life Lessons Through His Daughter’s Eyes about modesty:
“When we arrived, the chauffer escorted my youngest sister, Laila, and me to my father’s suite. As usual, he was hiding behind the door waiting to scare us. And we exchanged as many hugs and kisses as we could possibly give in one day.
“My father then took a good look at us. He sat me down in his lap and said something I will never forget. He looked me straight in the eyes and said: ‘Hana, everything that God made valuable in the world is covered and hard to get to. Where do you find diamonds? Deep down in the ground, covered and protected. Where do you find pearls? Deep down at the bottom of the ocean, covered up and protected in a beautiful shell. Where do you find gold? Way down and in the mine, covered over with layers and layers of rock. You’ve got to work hard to get them.’
“He looked at me again with serious eyes and said, ‘Your body is sacred. You’re far more precious than diamonds and pearls, and you should be covered too.'”
While I agree with what Mr. Ali is explaining to his daughters, I think there's more to modesty than just our exterior appearance.
In the "For the Strength of Youth" pamphlet from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, there are multiple topics that could cover modesty. Topics such as the obvious Dress and Appearance, but what about these others? Dating, Entertainment and Media, Friends, Sexual Purity, Language, and Physical and Emotional Health.
Modesty comes down to thoughts, actions, demeanor, body language, tone of voice, and, of course, dress.
Do we want our children listening to songs like "99 Problems" and "Blurred Lines"? Um, no.
Do we want our children to have some romanticized notion that relationships like the movie "Friends with Benefits" work out? I don't because it doesn't.
I would encourage us all to help our children to keep their minds innocent and pure by thinking about good things: school, sports, friendships, family; and not what a member of the opposite sex may look like with their clothes off or what it would be like to kiss him/her.
I try to teach my girls the reason we dress more conservatively is because when they get older, they want a person to like them for how nice, smart, athletic, funny they are, how good of a friend they are, how well they treat other people. Not because they're cute or "hot". I want all the amazing qualities I see in my daughters to be the reason some boy wants to take her on a date and not just her good looks.
I encourage my girls to be friends with girls and boys alike. One of my big girl's best friends is a boy and they love the same book series, so much so they dressed up like characters from the books for last Halloween and they had a GREAT time!
Today, men and women, boys and girls, are being bombarded with social media, movies, TV shows, music and books that blast the notions of chastity and modesty are antiquated, but I think the conservative side is just that... Conserving my children's hearts, minds, bodies, and souls for the best future they could possibly have.
And let us not forget modesty has two meanings... Not only is it about being conservative in our dress so that we're not indecent, but it also means we should be moderate or unassuming as well, such as not dressing in showy, expensive clothing. Be modest in our dress doesn't just mean cover up, but it means to not be flashy too.
Ultimately, the focus here is on looking at people for what they have on the inside because that's what counts in the end. It's not the label they have on their clothes or the length of the hemline. It's how you treat people. After all, He commanded us to love one another.
One final thought...
I go to church and I dress conservatively. Most of the people in my ward do. However, on the occasion a new face appears and they don't "blend" in because they're in jeans, pants for a woman, or something tight and skin-baring. Let's not judge. Maybe that person is just getting started on their journey and they need a friend and that friend is you. Perhaps that person doesn't have the ability to revamp their wardrobe in such a way to be conservatively dressed. Let's just follow the commandment I mentioned above by smiling at them, introducing yourself, and showing them around. Love them. You may be just what they needed.
Sunday, July 6, 2014
Viewing Sacrifice
I haven't written since Mothers' Day, but I've had thoughts swirling and churning in my brain since then. I know my dad thinks I start these things and just drop them off the face of the earth. I promise I don't stop writing. They starts and stops just hang out in my head like fetuses. The thoughts aren't fully formed and aren't ready for the big, bad world. But today is different.
Today is Fast Sunday for July. To my husband that means he gets to watch NASCAR, but to me, a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, it means I should be skipping two meals and giving a fast offering. I did the latter today, but not the former. Oops! Fast Sunday also means testimonies will be borne after the sacrament has been passed. A couple of people said some things that really touched me, but I don't remember what they are. Terrible, right? I should write this stuff down then I can actually USE it later. Either way, what they had to say got me to thinking about the last couple months and my failure to write this blog, read my scriptures, or even pray most days. (I'm really NOT the best example!)
So looking back over the last couple months some things have weighed really heavily on me. #1 This whole Ordain Women & Kate Kelly thing and #2 The last two major holidays, Memorial Day and Independence Day. We're going to talk about the latter, because there have already been SO MANY blogs and opinions for and against the former that my head and heart hurt, actually physically hurt, from it, but on to these holidays.
Memorial Day is a day set aside by the United States of America's federal government to honor the memories of all those men and women that died while in service to the armed forces. Independence Day is another day set aside by the same federal government to commemorate the adoption of the Declaration of Independence, which was our countries way of declaring/demanding freedom from the Kingdom of Great Britain. A war ensued. We all know about the Revolutionary War, right? These two recent holidays got me to thinking about my own military service. They aren't for me yet people still honor veterans on those days. Why?
I began to reflect on my service in the United States Army. I was a military police officer for 5 years on active service. I was a military police officer for the Oregon Army National Guard for about 2 years then I became a quartermaster for the remaining 2 years or so. All-in-all I served nearly 10 years, but got out when I was pregnant with my eldest daughter. I had to desire to repeat the performance of my deployment to Bosnia-Herzegovina with a new "War on Terror" coming down the pipe. Basically, I chickened out. Mind you I had a child while serving on active service too, but I wanted my life to continue and I'm glad I made that choice. But that's not my problem. What did I contribute? What was my sacrifice?
I'm not like the hundreds and thousands of men and women that went to battle and never came home. I don't have a white cross in a national cemetery somewhere in the U.S. or over in Europe or elsewhere in the world. (There are 24 American burial grounds on foreign soil.) I didn't sacrifice. I didn't die.
Well, all this got me to thinking about soldiers, sailors, marines, airmen, and all those men and women who have passed on paying the ultimate sacrifice. Let me remind you, most of them were volunteers doing a job they knew could end by them losing their own life and they did it anyway. They were fighting for our freedom. Our freedom to live and breathe and worship in any way we feel appropriate that doesn't infringe on our fellow man. Back in 1776 that wasn't the case in a lot of places. Brave people stood up to tyranny and fought the good fight and sacrificed to give us those freedoms.
I know one person who isn't listed on any of the memorials, isn't buried in any cemetery, but did the EXACT SAME THING only better...
Jesus Christ.
Think about it. He fought tyranny. Tyranny from Satan. Satan would have us do his bidding, honor him, but he lost the fight. Christ fought for our freedoms too. Our freedom to choose. We have the choice to believe in Him, in Heavenly Father and we have the choice to not believe. He paid the ultimate sacrifice. He died for us. EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US. He died so we could be saved both from physical death, but spiritual death too.
Jesus Christ's sacrifice is the ULTIMATE sacrifice. What more could one ask of a person? And let me remind you, lest you'd forgotten. He VOLUNTEERED. Yup. Stepped up and knew exactly what he was getting into and did it anyway. He left in Heavenly Father's hands and kicked booty!
Christ is our perfect example of what to do, how to live, how to behave, how to act, how to treat one another. He is the answer. If you don't think He knows your pleasure, your pain, your joy, your suffering. Think again. He knows. Even better, lean on Him and He'll carry you through the trials and be there to celebrate your triumphs. ALWAYS.
What could be better?
Now not to diminish those brave men and women we honor on Memorial Day and Independence Day. Thank you so much for your sacrifice. I know you're here watching over your loved ones and trying with all your might to steer them in the right direction. You'll be together again some day.
Everyone, let's take care of each other by honoring those who sacrificed for us. Honor Heavenly Father as Christ would have done and in doing so, you honor those that have passed in the fight for our continued freedoms.
In Jesus' name.
Amen.
Monday, May 12, 2014
Calling All Moms
Anyway, I've added a photo. It's my favorite photo of me and my mom. I think I was about 3 or 4 years old. You can see one of my younger sisters is with us. My other two sisters weren't yet twinkling in my parents' eyes. I don't know why I was in bed with my mom, but it certainly looks like I had had a bad dream and needed my mom. I still have bad dreams and there are times when I still need my mom. I'm fortunate I still have her around. My mom lost her mom when she was only 24. I didn't get to know my grandma very well, but I have her chair. (That's another story.)
My mom looks like an angel in this picture. She looks like there's nothing else in the world she'd rather be doing than have her girls in bed with her and hugging one who just had a bad dream. I didn't start writing today to talk about how amazing my mom is and I think she's pretty amazing. I started writing because moms are pretty amazing. All moms.
I'm sure you've heard the saying "Any man can be a father, but it takes a real man to be a dad." Well something similar can be said for women. It's just biology that makes one a mother, but it's the actions once pregnancy occurs that determines a mom or not.
I've experienced all kinds of moms. I have a friend who's a single mom. I was a single mom for a while. I have a friend who's a mother of SEVEN! And she loves EVERY one of her babies. She LOVES being a mom. I have friends with one kid, two kids and more, step-kids, and all kinds of crazy blended families. In fact, I'm part of a crazy blended family. And all these moms are amazing women. They're stretched to the limits of their patience. They're stretched to the limits of sleep deprivation. They're stretched to the limits period.
Yes, I'm a mom and I'm writing this, but I, by no means, think I'm an amazing mom. I have three children from two former husbands, plus two step-sons from a third husband. I even have a former step-son whom I love very much, but I'm not amazing. I yell too much. I lose my patience. I don't read to my girls at night like I should. I hate to cook so dinner is a struggle almost every night and I don't even have children home every night since I share custody of my girls; my son has graduated and moved out; and my step-sons all live with their mothers.
So why am I writing this? I'm writing this to tell you moms have so much power. Don't get me wrong, we feel powerless pretty often, but it's just frustration, aggravation and sleep deprivation. But we have so much power. We're the first person our children ever hear. They hear us from the inside out. They know our heartbeat. They know our breath sounds. (Even when there's a little knee or foot in the ribcage.) We're the first person they smell. The first person they bond with. We moms become their everything, their cheerleader, their teacher, their support.
The foundation of everything a child has the opportunity to know comes first from their mom. Take a look at Robert Fulghum's "All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten". Think of all the things he talks about from "Share everything." to "- the biggest word of all - LOOK." Moms teach those things. Read it. It's all in there. The funniest thing is as we grow up and go out into the world we seem to stop listening to our moms. And why is that? Mostly, we think we know better from about 12 or 13 years old until we've wizened up around 30. That's a lot of years to think you know better.
There are those strange anomalies of children out there that really think their mom is awesome and they love her, honor her, and for Heaven's sake, LISTEN to her well into their 20s. Those anomalies seem to have things figured out. I have names of a couple... Lanie and Tiernan. Great job ladies! Your moms love you and know what she's talking about. And I promise it's always meant with love.
I actually told my son on Saturday that everything I ever did for him was out of love and wanting the absolute best for him. I'm proud of him. He's still growing up, but he's doing pretty well. It's not all my doing, but I'd like to think I have a lot to do with it. He won't admit it for another 10 years or so, but I know it's in there somewhere.
Being a mom is a sacred calling. It is. We chose it before we came to earth. Not all moms are biological moms. In fact, one of the sweetest people I know wasn't able to have children, but she's an amazing mom to two very sweet little boys. They are so lucky to have her. But it is a sacred calling. Moms have been entrusted with the hearts and spirits of Heavenly Father's children as they start out on this journey and it is, literally, our God given responsibility to be the first and best example of charity, love, faith, patience, kindness, humility, sacrifice, service, good, truth, righteousness, honesty, fairness, and compassion. See 1 Corinthians 13 for any questions. You can find similar thoughts written in The Book of Mormon, Moroni 7:44-47.
He never said it would be easy. He only said it would be worth it.
Moms, all you moms out there, is it worth it?
I know it is.
Saturday, May 10, 2014
Bar Review
Ok so let's just be honest... Sure why not!
I met my husband in a bar. And yes I'm LDS. Or Mormon as some people would call it.
So why would a nice LDS girl such as myself be in a bar? Well, I was up to no good and I wasn't exactly an active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. And I wasn't too proud of myself, and looking back, I'm still none too proud of my behavior back then, but I wouldn't be the strong person I am today without having gone through it.
There are a whole lot of "What Not To Dos" in that situation, but let's count the good things instead. Isn't it always nicer to count the good things in life? I think so.
So good things...
I found my forever companion. He may not be a member of the LDS church, but he is my forever companion. We'll be sealed one day.
My girls have a second father figure in their life.
My son has someone he can call about cars and other manly stuff and knows he can depend on the answers he receives to be straight-forward, honest, to-the-point, and informed.
I gained two great sons.
I also gained some perspective about myself and how I had been going about looking for Mr. Right. Needless to say, I learned a whole lot of "what not to do", but in the end I was able to determine what I'd done right.
First and foremost, I was myself. There were no pretenses. I was really in a "take it or leave it" mode. If he liked me, GREAT! If he didn't, well I didn't need him. I guess I was just ready to be me, not play games, and get to know a person.
Next, I was confident. I wasn't afraid to share about myself. I can't tell you how many photos of my kids I shared with him that night. I don't think I stopped talking about them most of the evening either. He knew what was most important to me.
Now I know you're asking me where are your kids while you're out at a bar meeting this guy who is now your husband?
So my eldest, my son, was in Colorado visiting his father. My girls were on their dad's days, or his half of the week, so I was free to do whatever I wanted without having to worry about the morning "walk of shame" or paying a babysitter until 8:00am when I returned home. All I needed to worry about was me, myself, and I.
Ok so the three of us, me, myself and I, were a very persuasive bunch. We, or I, managed to keep my husband away from a blind date his co-worker had set up. Remember, he wasn't my husband then, just some guy I'd just met. Apparently I was sufficiently charming and, just barely, a good enough dancer to make him want to stay around. He called his buddy and informed him that the date girl would be left hanging. Ah such is the life of 20-somethings I suppose. I don't know. I didn't really date when I was in my 20s. Sad but true.
And that's something I learned too. DATE!! Go on LOTS OF DATES! Meet lots of people. Learn what you like and don't like about people. It's OK to date many different people. It sure beats getting married and divorced three times, leaving yourself with three children and two baby-daddies. Instead, dating allows you the opportunity to get to know people slowly and make sure they're worth it when you decide to marry them. You're more likely to end up being married ONCE (it's important) and raising children TOGETHER in a single, non-dysfunctional family setting when you get to know someone first and take your time with dating.
I tell my girls they need to date a lot of boys when they get to be 16-years-old. YES 16! No boys allowed until then. Otherwise they have cooties. (Sorry boys, but it's for everyone's own good. I promise.)
Anyway, this bar gave me an opportunity to date an amazing man, who is honest and sweet and forgetful. He's a hard-worker (sometimes to a fault). He's handy to have around the house. He loves baseball and NASCAR. He roots whole-heartedly for the Trailblazers, Mariners, Seahawks, and Tony Stewart. He bemoans the Steelers, wishing they were better, but he loves them for better or for worse and has for the last 35 years.
This man is now, after 11 months of dating and 4 years and 9 months of living together, my husband. We have been together for over 7 years and this summer we will celebrate two years of marriage. We're in it for better, for worse, in sickness, in health, for richer, for poorer, through floods and remodels, college and graduating children, lacrosse and soccer games, dirty dishes and messy garages. We're in it for the long haul.
This nice LDS girl met the guy of her dreams in a bar one cold December night. The Lord truly works in mysterious ways. My husband and I have grown a lot together and as individuals, laughed more, and love every minute of our crazy life with our crazy kids.
It just goes to show you that each one of our journeys is different and we can always find a good path to travel, if you're willing to look for it, listen with all your might to the Spirit and follow those instructions. My path led me to Craig, led me back to the Gospel and is continuing to lead me in a positive direction.
Now my bar is made of iron and I hold on with all my might.
I met my husband in a bar. And yes I'm LDS. Or Mormon as some people would call it.
So why would a nice LDS girl such as myself be in a bar? Well, I was up to no good and I wasn't exactly an active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. And I wasn't too proud of myself, and looking back, I'm still none too proud of my behavior back then, but I wouldn't be the strong person I am today without having gone through it.
There are a whole lot of "What Not To Dos" in that situation, but let's count the good things instead. Isn't it always nicer to count the good things in life? I think so.
So good things...
I found my forever companion. He may not be a member of the LDS church, but he is my forever companion. We'll be sealed one day.
My girls have a second father figure in their life.
My son has someone he can call about cars and other manly stuff and knows he can depend on the answers he receives to be straight-forward, honest, to-the-point, and informed.
I gained two great sons.
I also gained some perspective about myself and how I had been going about looking for Mr. Right. Needless to say, I learned a whole lot of "what not to do", but in the end I was able to determine what I'd done right.
First and foremost, I was myself. There were no pretenses. I was really in a "take it or leave it" mode. If he liked me, GREAT! If he didn't, well I didn't need him. I guess I was just ready to be me, not play games, and get to know a person.
Next, I was confident. I wasn't afraid to share about myself. I can't tell you how many photos of my kids I shared with him that night. I don't think I stopped talking about them most of the evening either. He knew what was most important to me.
Now I know you're asking me where are your kids while you're out at a bar meeting this guy who is now your husband?
So my eldest, my son, was in Colorado visiting his father. My girls were on their dad's days, or his half of the week, so I was free to do whatever I wanted without having to worry about the morning "walk of shame" or paying a babysitter until 8:00am when I returned home. All I needed to worry about was me, myself, and I.
Ok so the three of us, me, myself and I, were a very persuasive bunch. We, or I, managed to keep my husband away from a blind date his co-worker had set up. Remember, he wasn't my husband then, just some guy I'd just met. Apparently I was sufficiently charming and, just barely, a good enough dancer to make him want to stay around. He called his buddy and informed him that the date girl would be left hanging. Ah such is the life of 20-somethings I suppose. I don't know. I didn't really date when I was in my 20s. Sad but true.
And that's something I learned too. DATE!! Go on LOTS OF DATES! Meet lots of people. Learn what you like and don't like about people. It's OK to date many different people. It sure beats getting married and divorced three times, leaving yourself with three children and two baby-daddies. Instead, dating allows you the opportunity to get to know people slowly and make sure they're worth it when you decide to marry them. You're more likely to end up being married ONCE (it's important) and raising children TOGETHER in a single, non-dysfunctional family setting when you get to know someone first and take your time with dating.
I tell my girls they need to date a lot of boys when they get to be 16-years-old. YES 16! No boys allowed until then. Otherwise they have cooties. (Sorry boys, but it's for everyone's own good. I promise.)
Anyway, this bar gave me an opportunity to date an amazing man, who is honest and sweet and forgetful. He's a hard-worker (sometimes to a fault). He's handy to have around the house. He loves baseball and NASCAR. He roots whole-heartedly for the Trailblazers, Mariners, Seahawks, and Tony Stewart. He bemoans the Steelers, wishing they were better, but he loves them for better or for worse and has for the last 35 years.
This man is now, after 11 months of dating and 4 years and 9 months of living together, my husband. We have been together for over 7 years and this summer we will celebrate two years of marriage. We're in it for better, for worse, in sickness, in health, for richer, for poorer, through floods and remodels, college and graduating children, lacrosse and soccer games, dirty dishes and messy garages. We're in it for the long haul.
This nice LDS girl met the guy of her dreams in a bar one cold December night. The Lord truly works in mysterious ways. My husband and I have grown a lot together and as individuals, laughed more, and love every minute of our crazy life with our crazy kids.
It just goes to show you that each one of our journeys is different and we can always find a good path to travel, if you're willing to look for it, listen with all your might to the Spirit and follow those instructions. My path led me to Craig, led me back to the Gospel and is continuing to lead me in a positive direction.
Now my bar is made of iron and I hold on with all my might.
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Please Review Your Blessings
So I'm pushing a month since my last blog post, but I think I may have a good excuse. (And Dad, your words of starting and stopping ring in my head ALL. THE. TIME. So I decided I need to continue this blog.
So here's what been keeping me from typing:
So here's what been keeping me from typing:
- 3.0 GPA last term (BOO!)
- Had to pay out-of-pocket to continue school Spring Term (BOO!)
- Financial aid for next year declined (for now)
- Kitchen flooded (Tears!)
- Failed to complete volunteer calendar (Oops!)
If I were a baseball batter, I would have struck out already. Fortunately, Heavenly Father doesn't operate on the balls & strikes system. And THANK GOODNESS for that!
I was unhappy with my final GPA, but grateful I didn't fail a class when I know I was struggling with one. We had the money to cover the cost of classes for Spring Term. There's a way to get my financial aid reinstated because it just requires an explanation. And I was ok with all that until the kitchen flooded. That sent me over the edge. I cleaned out the coolers, emptied the freezer and left the house in tears. I made it (late) to my semi-annual hair appointment, (Thank you JET!) and cried some more. Then I set up my medical insurance and came home to my kitchen being packed up and demolished to dry out the sub floor. While in the midst of dealing with the kitchen, I failed to complete the volunteer calendar for Oleesia's class. (Sorry Bridget!) Can you blame me though?
So I began Spring Term with my kitchen, office, and dining room all torn up and each time I had to deal with the clean-up business, I sang "Count Your Blessings" in my head. Over and over and over again. It helped me deal with the tears so I didn't keep crying.
And since I've written this post in two sittings, a few things have been worked out and a few new developments have occurred.
Well I can't recover a 3.0GPA, but I was refunded the out-of-pocket money because there was some weird glitch in my financial aid for Spring Term. PHEW!! All the money has been returned to its rightful place.
After a couple hitches, we received the insurance check to cover the repairs of my kitchen and garage. I'm hiding the money so we don't spend it all, because we would do just that if given the change. The budget really needs to tighten up! AND FAST!
I had a sit down with my academic counselor and I'm going to have to write a really good letter to the financial aid department to explain why I need to continue my financial aid so I can complete my degree. We have a plan of action. Now I just need to implement it and pray for things to go my way.
The kitchen is in the process of being repaired. My mom, Liz, has repaired the kitchen and dining room walls and laid the concrete board so we (and by we, I mean Craig) can tile. We decided that while the kitchen is completely gutted that now is the time to refinish the cabinets. While the process shouldn't take super long, it's taking longer than we would like because Craig is still working 50+ hours a week and is working on the house in the evenings. He has sprayed the primer and is now putting on the first coat of paint. Hopefully, we'll be able to put a few things back in the kitchen this weekend (Fingers crossed!)
Lastly, I have to complete the class volunteer schedule. I've been so worried and busy being a mom with no kitchen, a student with a ton of homework, the Relief Society secretary and a wife that the parent volunteer part fell off the plate. Fortunately, my teacher is AWESOME! I've explained and I'm told not to worry, BUT I'm going to complete that schedule by Friday so I can feel accomplished somewhere.
OK so really things have been A LOT hectic around here and as I mentioned earlier, I sang "Count Your Blessings" in my head to keep me from crying. My patriarchal blessing mentions patience a time or two or 15 so I think this is definitely a test and, I'll be honest, I'm glad for it. Tests = growth. I believe my bishop said that last night during our chapel session. I don't mind the load and it's given me a chance to really think about my blessings. So "Count your blessings; Name them one by one"
Craig-my dear, sweet, hard-working husband. He works so hard all day to provide for our family so we have a home to live in, cars to drive, gas & insurance for those cars, food on the table, TV to watch, phones to use, and this computer I'm typing on. Then after he puts in a hard day's work earning a paycheck, he comes home to work on the house. At first, it was the slow remodeling downstairs, but now it's the more desperate work on the kitchen. And speaking of kitchens...
Liz-my loving, patient, retired mom. When she heard me tearfully explaining all the damage, she remained calm and offered her time and energy to assist us in getting our kitchen back together. If it weren't for her, Craig would still be getting the mud on the walls sanded. This is just one of the many, many things she has done over my nearly 39 years, (Yes I revealed my age!) not least of all is giving me life in the first place.
Christopher-my eldest son. I wish he really understood just how incredibly proud of him I am. I don't know if he reads this, but I sure hope so. He's a blessing. Just by being my son, he has taught me so much. While our relationship can be strained, he's put up with all my growth too. We had a lot of growing pains together.
Lynneah-Chris' girlfriend. She keeps Chris working hard and she takes care of their household. She's going to school and is supportive of my son. I'm pretty grateful Chris has a smart girlfriend and she's a sweetheart to boot.
Garett-my eldest no-longer-step-son. Looking back at the time when he lived with me, I regret stuff, but I'm grateful for him being willing to put up with me and still saying, "I love you" nowadays. Garett was there through some of the growing up with Chris and Garett helped me be a better step-mom to the boys I have now. I love all my kids, whether I'm no longer married to their dad or not. They are still my kids and my heart is invested.
Blake-my eldest step-son. He's such a funny kid, ahem, I mean adult. He's going to graduate high school this year and he's taught me to be patient and work the "Mom magic" in another way. Five or six years ago, he liked to test my limits and he learned quickly that I didn't like the tests. He's such a great man and Craig is so proud to have his lacrosse coaches come up to him and compliment Blake. He's great with younger kids and loves lacrosse so much. He's even willing to share his love and imbue that into them as well. What a great sharer!
Carter-my youngest step-son. Well, Carter's just funny. He's in that awkward teenage place right now, but he's maturing so much. I'm proud of the young man he's becoming. He used to grudgingly put up with hugs from my daughters, but now his affection is genuine and he understands how much they love him. I'm pretty sure it's reciprocated.
Oleesia-my eldest daughter. She's my moody, broody kid and I see a lot of me in her. I try so hard to teach her the good things. She wants an academic scholarship to college! Her grades and schoolwork are so important to her. Yet she still thinks of others. Last week, the girls didn't have school, but I still had class. My mom was working on the house and stayed with them while I was gone. Olee prearranged to have Mom help her clean the house for me. I came home from class with my laundry folded (groan), my bedding dried and put back on my bed and my entire house vacuumed. Thank you Olee for being so thoughtful. It was nice to have that burden lifted even if I don't like other people folding my laundry.
Shaenin-my baby. She is the sparkle in my life. She wakes up happy. She smiles. She hugs. She kisses. She dances. She laughs. There's not a thing she does that doesn't make me smile. (Well, except argue with Olee, but isn't that what siblings are for?) The way she dresses makes me laugh and shake my head, but it works for her and that's what counts. She brings the sun on a crappy day.
And the rest of my blessings: my ward family, the Relief Society Presidency, my lovely friends: Lisa, Becky, Julie, Trina, Ali, Joy, Karma and the list goes on, Bishop Stott, Patriarch Monson, my old dog: Enli, my home, my bed, my brain, my education, my intelligence, my wardrobe, my endowments, the Elders, the Sisters, the returned missionaries, the Holy Ghost, my Heavenly Father, and my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
This is not an all-inclusive list... Thank goodness!
What are your blessings? Take a couple minutes to count them.
And since I've written this post in two sittings, a few things have been worked out and a few new developments have occurred.
Well I can't recover a 3.0GPA, but I was refunded the out-of-pocket money because there was some weird glitch in my financial aid for Spring Term. PHEW!! All the money has been returned to its rightful place.
After a couple hitches, we received the insurance check to cover the repairs of my kitchen and garage. I'm hiding the money so we don't spend it all, because we would do just that if given the change. The budget really needs to tighten up! AND FAST!
I had a sit down with my academic counselor and I'm going to have to write a really good letter to the financial aid department to explain why I need to continue my financial aid so I can complete my degree. We have a plan of action. Now I just need to implement it and pray for things to go my way.
The kitchen is in the process of being repaired. My mom, Liz, has repaired the kitchen and dining room walls and laid the concrete board so we (and by we, I mean Craig) can tile. We decided that while the kitchen is completely gutted that now is the time to refinish the cabinets. While the process shouldn't take super long, it's taking longer than we would like because Craig is still working 50+ hours a week and is working on the house in the evenings. He has sprayed the primer and is now putting on the first coat of paint. Hopefully, we'll be able to put a few things back in the kitchen this weekend (Fingers crossed!)
Lastly, I have to complete the class volunteer schedule. I've been so worried and busy being a mom with no kitchen, a student with a ton of homework, the Relief Society secretary and a wife that the parent volunteer part fell off the plate. Fortunately, my teacher is AWESOME! I've explained and I'm told not to worry, BUT I'm going to complete that schedule by Friday so I can feel accomplished somewhere.
OK so really things have been A LOT hectic around here and as I mentioned earlier, I sang "Count Your Blessings" in my head to keep me from crying. My patriarchal blessing mentions patience a time or two or 15 so I think this is definitely a test and, I'll be honest, I'm glad for it. Tests = growth. I believe my bishop said that last night during our chapel session. I don't mind the load and it's given me a chance to really think about my blessings. So "Count your blessings; Name them one by one"
Craig-my dear, sweet, hard-working husband. He works so hard all day to provide for our family so we have a home to live in, cars to drive, gas & insurance for those cars, food on the table, TV to watch, phones to use, and this computer I'm typing on. Then after he puts in a hard day's work earning a paycheck, he comes home to work on the house. At first, it was the slow remodeling downstairs, but now it's the more desperate work on the kitchen. And speaking of kitchens...
Liz-my loving, patient, retired mom. When she heard me tearfully explaining all the damage, she remained calm and offered her time and energy to assist us in getting our kitchen back together. If it weren't for her, Craig would still be getting the mud on the walls sanded. This is just one of the many, many things she has done over my nearly 39 years, (Yes I revealed my age!) not least of all is giving me life in the first place.
Christopher-my eldest son. I wish he really understood just how incredibly proud of him I am. I don't know if he reads this, but I sure hope so. He's a blessing. Just by being my son, he has taught me so much. While our relationship can be strained, he's put up with all my growth too. We had a lot of growing pains together.
Lynneah-Chris' girlfriend. She keeps Chris working hard and she takes care of their household. She's going to school and is supportive of my son. I'm pretty grateful Chris has a smart girlfriend and she's a sweetheart to boot.
Garett-my eldest no-longer-step-son. Looking back at the time when he lived with me, I regret stuff, but I'm grateful for him being willing to put up with me and still saying, "I love you" nowadays. Garett was there through some of the growing up with Chris and Garett helped me be a better step-mom to the boys I have now. I love all my kids, whether I'm no longer married to their dad or not. They are still my kids and my heart is invested.
Blake-my eldest step-son. He's such a funny kid, ahem, I mean adult. He's going to graduate high school this year and he's taught me to be patient and work the "Mom magic" in another way. Five or six years ago, he liked to test my limits and he learned quickly that I didn't like the tests. He's such a great man and Craig is so proud to have his lacrosse coaches come up to him and compliment Blake. He's great with younger kids and loves lacrosse so much. He's even willing to share his love and imbue that into them as well. What a great sharer!
Carter-my youngest step-son. Well, Carter's just funny. He's in that awkward teenage place right now, but he's maturing so much. I'm proud of the young man he's becoming. He used to grudgingly put up with hugs from my daughters, but now his affection is genuine and he understands how much they love him. I'm pretty sure it's reciprocated.
Oleesia-my eldest daughter. She's my moody, broody kid and I see a lot of me in her. I try so hard to teach her the good things. She wants an academic scholarship to college! Her grades and schoolwork are so important to her. Yet she still thinks of others. Last week, the girls didn't have school, but I still had class. My mom was working on the house and stayed with them while I was gone. Olee prearranged to have Mom help her clean the house for me. I came home from class with my laundry folded (groan), my bedding dried and put back on my bed and my entire house vacuumed. Thank you Olee for being so thoughtful. It was nice to have that burden lifted even if I don't like other people folding my laundry.
Shaenin-my baby. She is the sparkle in my life. She wakes up happy. She smiles. She hugs. She kisses. She dances. She laughs. There's not a thing she does that doesn't make me smile. (Well, except argue with Olee, but isn't that what siblings are for?) The way she dresses makes me laugh and shake my head, but it works for her and that's what counts. She brings the sun on a crappy day.
And the rest of my blessings: my ward family, the Relief Society Presidency, my lovely friends: Lisa, Becky, Julie, Trina, Ali, Joy, Karma and the list goes on, Bishop Stott, Patriarch Monson, my old dog: Enli, my home, my bed, my brain, my education, my intelligence, my wardrobe, my endowments, the Elders, the Sisters, the returned missionaries, the Holy Ghost, my Heavenly Father, and my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
This is not an all-inclusive list... Thank goodness!
What are your blessings? Take a couple minutes to count them.
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