So I play in a co-ed recreational indoor soccer league on Saturday evenings. I've twisted my ankle, jammed my toes, turf burned my knees and hands. I've even had my glasses broken when a ball kicked by a teammate slammed HARD into my face. Needless to say, the teammate apologized profusely and even offered to pay for a replacement pair of glasses. Said teammate is now good-naturedly ribbed for the incident and I refused to allow her to pay for my new glasses since I took the risk by wearing them while playing.
In this league, there are some teams that get a little TOO competitive given that it's a recreational league. They get angry when calls don't go their way. They kick the balls really hard, potentially causing injury to other players. They slam people smaller than themselves against the walls causing actual injuries. They trip. They push. They mouth off to the referee. You get the idea. Anyway, a few weeks ago, we were playing this team we've played before and this gal was mouthing off loudly after one of our players had been injured and I told her to be quiet and let the referee call the game. I think I told her, "Just stop talking." When she didn't, I said, "Shut up!" I was escorting our injured player off the field at the time and constantly running mouth really wasn't necessary.
Well the game continued after a moment or two, but it became more heated on both sides. Eventually, the mouthy gal and I were marking (guarding) one another when I gained advantage by poking the ball away from her by putting my legs between hers, a perfectly legal move. I didn't knock her down, but she seemed stunned I was that close to her. Later, near my team's goal, we were marking one another again when the ball was passed to her. In our efforts to gain control of the ball, she rolled her foot over the top of the ball, tripped over my feet and fell to the ground. As she was trying to get up, she swung in an effort to punch me. I did nothing, but walked away. Nothing was said about the incident until a teammate mentioned it to me after the game.
So last night, we played this team again. The only heated moment was when a guy didn't like the referee's call about a handball, but really things were fine. At one point, this gal and I were marking one another again near her team's goal. She says to me, "Hey no hard feelings about the game a few weeks ago?" I responded with "I just don't like being swung at." In my mind, this was NOT an apology.
I have children. They do and say things to one another to hurt feelings and all that. When I get involved apologies happen. Words like "I'm sorry..." and "I apologize..." come from their mouths. They acknowledge what they did wrong and accept responsibility for their actions. But what the gal said to me wasn't any of that. A friend of mine said, "Humble enough to suggest guilt, proud enough not to say, "I'm sorry,"" He said it was a halfway effort. He's right. But why make the effort it you're not going to go all the way?
So as I was contemplating what to say here, I thought about forgiveness and forgetting. Now I forgive her behavior, but she won't know that unless she apologizes, because she hasn't acknowledged what she did. However, I won't forget her behavior, at least so I don't get sucker-punched the next time we play and she's frustrated. I looked up the definition of apology and according to dictionary.com it means: "a written or spoken expression of one's regret, remorse, or sorrow for having insulted, failed, injured, or wronged another." She didn't express regret, remorse or sorrow. She just didn't want me to hold it against her. Not the same thing. It was a halfway effort.
Now I always try to think about something related to Jesus Christ in all these posts. I try to think about how I can apply this to my everyday. The one thing that came to mind is charity. According to the Bible Dictionary, charity is: "The highest, noblest, strongest kind of love, not merely affection; the pure love of Christ. It is never used to denote alms or deed or benevolence, although it may be a prompting motive." So giving money to a good cause is not charity, but the feeling of charity may be the prompting to do so. It is pure love, best described as unconditional love.
A little over two years ago, my bishop told me to talk to my then-boyfriend, now-husband, about getting married. I didn't know how to ask and he told me "with charity". It took a couple weeks to get it. I had to ask, loving my boyfriend, regardless of the answer I may hear. Needless to say we're happy with the final outcome, but I digress.
Charity is best described in 1 Corinthians chapter 13. We often see this passage using love in place of charity, but it's important to use charity. Love and charity are not the same. Love is a part of charity, but not all of charity. The Apostle Paul writes:
(1) Though I speak with the tongues of men and angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.
(2) And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all the mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.
(3) And though, I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.
(4) Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up.
(5) Doth not behave itself unseemingly, seeked not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil.
(6) Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
(7) Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
(8) Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; where there be tongues, they shall cease; where there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.
(9) For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.
(10) But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.
(11) When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
(12) For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
(13) And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.
So in the end of it all, because I try hard to have charity for everyone (and no I'm not perfect) the action is forgiven. Not forgotten, but forgiven. Apologies require being humble with no pride so when talking to someone you only see on a soccer pitch and should apologize, I see where it can be diffcult. This is where we could all use some work, I'm sure. Pride is a tough pill to swallow, but the end result of humility is worth it. I've been there. It's tough, but it's possible. In the wise words of Yoda, "Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no try." If it were as simple as that.
In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
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